Dear Peoples,
A simple summary: in 6 months, I have endured without Jack my birthday(August), our anniversary(October), a Thanksgiving(November), and now Christmas (December.) I have completed a 6-week bereavement group through Evergreen Hospice (early December), connecting with 6 other grieving souls, and we will continue to meet, supporting each other. And I have cried and cried and I am still here with hope that things will some day, way down some road, will get better.
After 26+ years together, there are simply too many stories, memories, moments, and now triggers. Just too many. As if going anywhere, doing anything isn't enough to bring about an "I remember when we did that or went there," it is also my subconscious flipping through a rollex of pictures, sounds, places, moments together, pulling out one, and flinging it to the forefront of whatever I'm doing, and I find myself being whisked completely away into a moment and into tears. I don't see these "Flash from Past" coming, but know I will be crying deeply when they land. And I will never be able to convey to you all the intensity or depth of the phrase, "I miss you so much, Jack," but it is my daily greeting to him, morning, noon, and night.
Now, I've seen some progress in my adjustment to his passing. Jack's warm jackets have been passed on before the snow hit and old worn-out running shoes have been recycled this week. I must have looked a tad bit odd in the shoe store that takes the shoes for recycling as I kissed the last one goodbye before dropping it in the bin. Probably no crazier than holding onto one of his favorite warm jackets, kissing it, hugging it goodbye, as if he was still in it, before letting go.(Glad it was one of his waterproof ones, as to not worry about leaving tear stains.) I've actually looked at his razor, shaving cream, dental floss, and toothpaste and am nearly ready to clean that off his side of the bathroom countertop. Nearly. I've learned to slow way down, listening to my heart before letting go of anything: "Are you really ready to let go of this? Really?" Any hesitation signals that I am not. But I see the baby steps of even thinking it, much less actually doing it, as progress, when, before, it was too vital, almost sacred, to hold onto everything of his, every single item. I am healing.
One of the bereavement classes I attended was on coping with the holidays. There were 40 of us packed in room for a two+ hour Saturday morning presentation on how to get through this season. Two key learnings from that workshop carried me through the Christmas season. One: it will never, ever be the same, again, no matter what I do or how much I want it to be so. Two: the goal is to continue grieving AND find the joy of the season. I faced those two lessons numerous times, often crying that, sure enough, the holidays were changing, morphing into something new and I couldn't bring him or his spirit back into it no matter what I did or tried. I had a dear neighbor take care of decorating the tree, which was always Jack's job, one that just gave him so much joy to do. If she hadn't done it, the tree, which I did buy and was proud of myself for finding that much "joy," would have had maybe one ornament on it: the new one I bought, "joyfully" continuing the tradition of buying a new one every year. It was an angel with the word "Hope." I thought appropriate, considering the circumstances. Other dear friends made sure there were gifts that I didn't buy for myself under the tree, so I had surprises to unwrap. I had Christmas Eve breakfast and gift opening with Jack's son, Steve and his family at their house (snow made travel to the cabin too difficult), and that will be a new tradition. I had Christmas morning breakfast with a dear friend, and that was heart-warming to be a part of her family's traditions. Returning home around noon, I made it my tradition that I opened one gift per hour, to drag that "joy" out longer into the day. I got up the day after Christmas with this one thought: I did it, I did it.
On a personal level, I learned that if I ask for it, it will happen, like the tree decorating, the wrapped gifts, or a friend helping me shop for myself when I was suffering huge brain "freezes" when it came to decision making. Ah, those "brain freezes." Several times, while shopping, I would hit an absolutely wall in thinking. Nothing was functioning and the only option seemed to be was to just walk away, to try again later. ("So, I drove all this way," I would talk to myself, "and now I'm driving all the way home with nothing?" Yep, you are. Deal with it. Go call a friend for help.) I know that I am so surrounded with caring and anxious souls, wanting to help me gimp through this difficult time. If I ask, I know help is there. Truly, that was a gift that can't be wrapped anywhere but around the heart and in the mind, and it was truly given to me this season. I needn't any further proof than my experience with people in the last two weeks.
I was Bellevue-bound before the holidays because there was a memorial wrestling tournament in Jack's honor, to help both promote the sport of wrestling and to raise money for the scholarship in his name. Because of weather, it was cancelled, which was awful in light of the hours and hours and hours and hours of work behind the scene to create such an event. Hope is that it will be either January 3rd or 17th. That will also keep me "west side" bound. If you haven't seen the fabulous web site for this scholarship and the fundraising, please check it out: www.JackReynoldsScholarshipFund.com All the energy and work around this scholarship brings me to tears, as it so honors Jack's love of students and the sport of wrestling. Some wonderful men working hard to honor our Jack.
I think about a new year starting in a few days. Such a mixed bag to be away from dying and death that 2008 will always carry with it, and, at the same time, looking forward at what I may find new in 2009, both within myself and in my world. I pray that sounds hopeful to you, as that is how it feels inside, which I know that it is also a part of the healing. I knew that "hope" angel ornament was more than a Christmas decoration: it was a seed planted within, watered with tears, supported by friends and family, and fertilized with good ol' Irish wit. It will grow, no doubt.
Joyful holidays to you and yours.
In the here and now,
Tally
P.S. Several people have asked discreetly about my financial status. So, I'm putting it out there for everyone to know. Wisely, when we retired, we both chose the option of "survivor" on our pensions, less monthly money, but a guarantee for the survivor. Simply, I am getting Jack's pension on top of my own for the rest of my life. I have to budget, ain't buying new cars, boats or a new wardrobe, but I am comfortable, maintaining both the Bellevue house and Cashmere cabin, and having enough to provide "fun stuff" to do, too, like attending concerts, playing soccer, buying an impulse item here and there. I'm OK, I really am.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Month 5 Update
The "Jack's Care Team" group of my email address book, which I used last month, is 100% empty when I went to address this email. I'm using the "Summer" addresses and am adding ones that I now are missing. Please pass on. [Aggravation!]
Dear People,
As I reread my November journal entries, trying to find pieces of thought for this email, I see the scattered emotional, physical, and mental states of my being. And it's so many little things, so little, yet so significant, that often overwhelm me. Like looking up from my monitor just now, searching for the words, and seeing two pictures of him on my desk and immediately being in tears at how much I miss him.
Or, earlier in the month, I was buying veggies in a local grocery store and froze, flooded with a memory with each item. Jack would intentionally mispronounce asparagus : "Ass-per-gus." When I finally gave in and started to use his way, he would get this silly grin and tell me, "See, I was right." Or how I would buy brussels sprouts (not his favorite) and wait until he wasn't home for dinner to put them up for myself...and now, I don't have to "hide" them anymore, and how odd that feels to be so overt and brazen about it. And not buying a bag of potatoes, because how many do I really need for just me?
Or coming back from the cabin, driving his truck, and crying as I adjust the outside mirrors to fit for me, something I would never do while he was alive, or if I did, I would re-adjust them back for him. And now, I leave be.
Or discovering that I can DO many things, but how much easier it would be with him. Like the clothes washer kaputzed on me. I got it removed, replaced, and disposed of (with much help), but I did it without him. And how easier it would have been with him, fewer phone calls, less arranging of assistance and time.
Or going to our Washington beach spot for Thanksgiving and ALL the trips to pack car and then unpack up one flight of stairs, with dog in tow. How easier it was doing it together.
Or coming home from a soccer game with my gear and having his face at the door to help carry things in. Now, there's no one at the door and it takes two trips.
Or having the utility bill come, showing the year usage, and seeing water, electric, and gas amount cut in half from November '07 to November '08. And thinking what we were doing last November: the last chance treatment study and all was going so well. Even the damn bills show he's gone.
Or finishing a book for the first time since May '08, because reading was something we did together. Now, it is something that takes more focus than I have. And I smiled that I accomplished what I see as a step in healing and I cried because I read a book without him around.
Or while heading to the beach on Wednesday for Thanksgiving, being joined by a friend and her daughters for Thursday and Friday, I realize I hadn't brought anything for Wednesday night dinner. I had only turkey meals planned, which wasn't being put up until Thursday. I stop in a grocery store to get some clam chowder, which is something we always have this week, as a break from turkey. As I stand in the soup aisle, comparing salt and fat content of soups, I feel transported in time and space, and I see Jack comparing soup cans, as I taught him. "This is the best one," he would figure out, and it got to the point that I believed him. (A long slow process.;->) And I start to cry. In the soup aisle. A can of clam chowder. Who would have guessed?
I struggle with being gentle with my forgetfulness, lack of focus, scattered processing. I'm not sure who I am when, sometimes. I am so quick to anger or impatience over trivial matters. And I don't have the answer to the endearing question, "What do you need" or "What can I do for you?" I don't know, and even if I did, the answer could change mid-sentence. And that is frustrating for me, to say nothing of you, my friends, standing off stage, waiting a cue from me. The washer was easy, black and white problem. My healing is not. I noted in my journal on November 11th, that "Grief is not something you can figure-out. It's something you must endure." My intellectual brain wants to find the black and white tasks to complete, check-off the list, and move to whatever needs to be done next. "Let's get this show on the road" type of thinking. And grief doesn't work that way and God knows I keep on trying to do otherwise at times.
I know why the tears are deeper than before: the denial stage is wearing thin and reality isn't. Jack is not coming back, and even that choice of words feels like it has a smattering of denial in it, as if he is gone on a trip, "....not coming back". Let me reword that, as a step into what is real: Jack is dead. I am without him and this is my life now. And if a can of soup or the veggies can be so powerful, imagine going into his study and finding a romantic card he saved...or a picture of us in Hawaii August 5 years before we knew he had melanoma. Ah, what we didn't know then. I don't deny it, how much I wish I could have back that carefree unencumbered time with a healthy and loving Jack. (He was diagnosed Dec. 5, 2003. What a ride into hell it was from there.)
So, I made it through the first of the winter holidays. One down, one to go. Yes, my brain has checked off this accomplishment; I did it; I endured. Jack's son, Steve, and his family, will join me at the cabin for Christmas, weather and jobs permitting for them. If not there, then at their home. Weather permitting, I will be at the cabin for post-Christmas week, to avoid the New Year's fireworks and the hurtful impact on the dog. I've picked out a gift for myself, maybe two or three, but, like Thanksgiving, it will never be the same, and that is reality. There is a hole, a missing person, that, no matter what I do or try, will still be missing and I will still notice. Nothing will fill that spot this year or ever. Sigh. Darn. Can't check that off any ol' list.
To the here and now,
Tally
P.S. Got back from the beach this afternoon, Saturday. That's why I'm not on time with the "28th" entry. Kinda a good thing, in a way.
Dear People,
As I reread my November journal entries, trying to find pieces of thought for this email, I see the scattered emotional, physical, and mental states of my being. And it's so many little things, so little, yet so significant, that often overwhelm me. Like looking up from my monitor just now, searching for the words, and seeing two pictures of him on my desk and immediately being in tears at how much I miss him.
Or, earlier in the month, I was buying veggies in a local grocery store and froze, flooded with a memory with each item. Jack would intentionally mispronounce asparagus : "Ass-per-gus." When I finally gave in and started to use his way, he would get this silly grin and tell me, "See, I was right." Or how I would buy brussels sprouts (not his favorite) and wait until he wasn't home for dinner to put them up for myself...and now, I don't have to "hide" them anymore, and how odd that feels to be so overt and brazen about it. And not buying a bag of potatoes, because how many do I really need for just me?
Or coming back from the cabin, driving his truck, and crying as I adjust the outside mirrors to fit for me, something I would never do while he was alive, or if I did, I would re-adjust them back for him. And now, I leave be.
Or discovering that I can DO many things, but how much easier it would be with him. Like the clothes washer kaputzed on me. I got it removed, replaced, and disposed of (with much help), but I did it without him. And how easier it would have been with him, fewer phone calls, less arranging of assistance and time.
Or going to our Washington beach spot for Thanksgiving and ALL the trips to pack car and then unpack up one flight of stairs, with dog in tow. How easier it was doing it together.
Or coming home from a soccer game with my gear and having his face at the door to help carry things in. Now, there's no one at the door and it takes two trips.
Or having the utility bill come, showing the year usage, and seeing water, electric, and gas amount cut in half from November '07 to November '08. And thinking what we were doing last November: the last chance treatment study and all was going so well. Even the damn bills show he's gone.
Or finishing a book for the first time since May '08, because reading was something we did together. Now, it is something that takes more focus than I have. And I smiled that I accomplished what I see as a step in healing and I cried because I read a book without him around.
Or while heading to the beach on Wednesday for Thanksgiving, being joined by a friend and her daughters for Thursday and Friday, I realize I hadn't brought anything for Wednesday night dinner. I had only turkey meals planned, which wasn't being put up until Thursday. I stop in a grocery store to get some clam chowder, which is something we always have this week, as a break from turkey. As I stand in the soup aisle, comparing salt and fat content of soups, I feel transported in time and space, and I see Jack comparing soup cans, as I taught him. "This is the best one," he would figure out, and it got to the point that I believed him. (A long slow process.;->) And I start to cry. In the soup aisle. A can of clam chowder. Who would have guessed?
I struggle with being gentle with my forgetfulness, lack of focus, scattered processing. I'm not sure who I am when, sometimes. I am so quick to anger or impatience over trivial matters. And I don't have the answer to the endearing question, "What do you need" or "What can I do for you?" I don't know, and even if I did, the answer could change mid-sentence. And that is frustrating for me, to say nothing of you, my friends, standing off stage, waiting a cue from me. The washer was easy, black and white problem. My healing is not. I noted in my journal on November 11th, that "Grief is not something you can figure-out. It's something you must endure." My intellectual brain wants to find the black and white tasks to complete, check-off the list, and move to whatever needs to be done next. "Let's get this show on the road" type of thinking. And grief doesn't work that way and God knows I keep on trying to do otherwise at times.
I know why the tears are deeper than before: the denial stage is wearing thin and reality isn't. Jack is not coming back, and even that choice of words feels like it has a smattering of denial in it, as if he is gone on a trip, "....not coming back". Let me reword that, as a step into what is real: Jack is dead. I am without him and this is my life now. And if a can of soup or the veggies can be so powerful, imagine going into his study and finding a romantic card he saved...or a picture of us in Hawaii August 5 years before we knew he had melanoma. Ah, what we didn't know then. I don't deny it, how much I wish I could have back that carefree unencumbered time with a healthy and loving Jack. (He was diagnosed Dec. 5, 2003. What a ride into hell it was from there.)
So, I made it through the first of the winter holidays. One down, one to go. Yes, my brain has checked off this accomplishment; I did it; I endured. Jack's son, Steve, and his family, will join me at the cabin for Christmas, weather and jobs permitting for them. If not there, then at their home. Weather permitting, I will be at the cabin for post-Christmas week, to avoid the New Year's fireworks and the hurtful impact on the dog. I've picked out a gift for myself, maybe two or three, but, like Thanksgiving, it will never be the same, and that is reality. There is a hole, a missing person, that, no matter what I do or try, will still be missing and I will still notice. Nothing will fill that spot this year or ever. Sigh. Darn. Can't check that off any ol' list.
To the here and now,
Tally
P.S. Got back from the beach this afternoon, Saturday. That's why I'm not on time with the "28th" entry. Kinda a good thing, in a way.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Month 4 Update
Dear People,
I have to remind myself often that it's only 4 months now, 4 months to face the fact that Jack isn't coming back. And it doesn't adhere to my mental or emotional reality 100% yet. I've gotten to the point that I know it is no longer a long visit with his Dad or an out-of-town tournament. But sometimes, I miss him so badly, so enormously, that I slip back into that hope that he's coming back soon. An eery yet fascinating observation I am witnessing within myself of that strong defense called "denial." I have to remind myself of being at Jack's death. I even-morbidly as this may sound-took a picture of him in bed after his death, just to help me know later it was real; it really did happen, I'm not imagining. I bump into the picture several times now, and it's such a stark dose of reality at a painful level. BUT it does it job of cutting through the denial, painfully so.
I spent 2 hours driving to the cabin a couple of weeks ago thinking of all the things I miss and I filled the 2-hours easily and several pages of my journal writing them all down. I must say, "I miss you, Jack" a dozen times a time.
Now, it's the "triggers" that punches me in my gut, drops me to my knees, and I am sometimes awashed with tears so quickly so that I do not even have time to wipe them before they are dropping from my face. A song, a food, a mutually shared activity/act. I was out on an errand in town and saw a teen with her last name printed on the back of her sweatshirt, and I was both smiling and tearful as the name was simply, "Jack." What are the chances of seeing that in the middle of the day?!?! (OK, after seeing the name, I thought, "What isn't she in school?" The educator lives on.) Someone said that he will send messages to me. He did and does.
I've started to clean out the Bellevue house's garage and basement. Tossed dozens of VCR tapes, knowing I will never look at them alone. I sorted hundreds of nails into bins, going through the duplication of tools. BUT, I can endure doing that for about an hour or two, and I'm suddenly looking at what feels like a hundred of decisions and tasks, and I freeze. I can't figure out what comes next and I do nothing but quit for another day. The "freezes" frustrate me, yet, I know I cannot force the mind to go where and when the heart is not ready. Such a dance, such a dance.
Months ago, Jack asked if he was "melting" and, now, I am feeling that I'm "fading." I get his "melting" in my living. I don't feel my energy, my focus, just anything to do with who I was 4 months ago. I lack focus, concentration, enthusiasm, drive. I set a goal of accomplishing three things a day, Three. Jack's and my studies are a mess, dining room table has piles of paper-type tasks, and the breakfast bar in the kitchen has just enough room for my breakfast plate. It both drives me nuts and simultaneously, I don't care. Some moments, I hurt so bad that I feel incapable of movement. Yet, I get out of bed because a "4-pedder" (Annie B) needs her care. I do the "three goals/tasks a day" because I feel better after doing something, anything, and I know it, so that's why I do that goal. I exercise and eat well because I both know my body needs it and that this body will be what will carry this heart and soul down this healing path.
The counselor in me knows this path. I have walked along many a kid down it in my work. So, you all know that I am not walking the path alone. I know better. I have many "guides", many "pit stops", many companions, who, although have not lost their partner, know what lost is and are present with their hearts with mine. It's just a long f*cking path, if you excuse the language. It's long and I must walk it. There's no sprint, no avoiding the inevitable. And I both shake my fists at the heavens for taking him so soon and drop to my knees in thanksgiving we had what we had.
For you caregivers out there, know that I'm set for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanks for the thoughts and invites so soon. You're all jewels in the crown of my life.
In the here and now,
Tally
P.S. Attached is the picture of his tool belt in a framed shadow box. I picked it up yesterday.(Great timing, uh?) The framer did a great job. I was crying as the young man at the shop unwrapped it to show me. I knew I could never tossed or give that belt and hammer away. I'm heading over to the cabin before Thanksgiving to hang it in the garage. Meanwhile, it's in the back of my car to show and carry something of his with me.
I have to remind myself often that it's only 4 months now, 4 months to face the fact that Jack isn't coming back. And it doesn't adhere to my mental or emotional reality 100% yet. I've gotten to the point that I know it is no longer a long visit with his Dad or an out-of-town tournament. But sometimes, I miss him so badly, so enormously, that I slip back into that hope that he's coming back soon. An eery yet fascinating observation I am witnessing within myself of that strong defense called "denial." I have to remind myself of being at Jack's death. I even-morbidly as this may sound-took a picture of him in bed after his death, just to help me know later it was real; it really did happen, I'm not imagining. I bump into the picture several times now, and it's such a stark dose of reality at a painful level. BUT it does it job of cutting through the denial, painfully so.
I spent 2 hours driving to the cabin a couple of weeks ago thinking of all the things I miss and I filled the 2-hours easily and several pages of my journal writing them all down. I must say, "I miss you, Jack" a dozen times a time.
Now, it's the "triggers" that punches me in my gut, drops me to my knees, and I am sometimes awashed with tears so quickly so that I do not even have time to wipe them before they are dropping from my face. A song, a food, a mutually shared activity/act. I was out on an errand in town and saw a teen with her last name printed on the back of her sweatshirt, and I was both smiling and tearful as the name was simply, "Jack." What are the chances of seeing that in the middle of the day?!?! (OK, after seeing the name, I thought, "What isn't she in school?" The educator lives on.) Someone said that he will send messages to me. He did and does.
I've started to clean out the Bellevue house's garage and basement. Tossed dozens of VCR tapes, knowing I will never look at them alone. I sorted hundreds of nails into bins, going through the duplication of tools. BUT, I can endure doing that for about an hour or two, and I'm suddenly looking at what feels like a hundred of decisions and tasks, and I freeze. I can't figure out what comes next and I do nothing but quit for another day. The "freezes" frustrate me, yet, I know I cannot force the mind to go where and when the heart is not ready. Such a dance, such a dance.
Months ago, Jack asked if he was "melting" and, now, I am feeling that I'm "fading." I get his "melting" in my living. I don't feel my energy, my focus, just anything to do with who I was 4 months ago. I lack focus, concentration, enthusiasm, drive. I set a goal of accomplishing three things a day, Three. Jack's and my studies are a mess, dining room table has piles of paper-type tasks, and the breakfast bar in the kitchen has just enough room for my breakfast plate. It both drives me nuts and simultaneously, I don't care. Some moments, I hurt so bad that I feel incapable of movement. Yet, I get out of bed because a "4-pedder" (Annie B) needs her care. I do the "three goals/tasks a day" because I feel better after doing something, anything, and I know it, so that's why I do that goal. I exercise and eat well because I both know my body needs it and that this body will be what will carry this heart and soul down this healing path.
The counselor in me knows this path. I have walked along many a kid down it in my work. So, you all know that I am not walking the path alone. I know better. I have many "guides", many "pit stops", many companions, who, although have not lost their partner, know what lost is and are present with their hearts with mine. It's just a long f*cking path, if you excuse the language. It's long and I must walk it. There's no sprint, no avoiding the inevitable. And I both shake my fists at the heavens for taking him so soon and drop to my knees in thanksgiving we had what we had.
For you caregivers out there, know that I'm set for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanks for the thoughts and invites so soon. You're all jewels in the crown of my life.
In the here and now,
Tally
P.S. Attached is the picture of his tool belt in a framed shadow box. I picked it up yesterday.(Great timing, uh?) The framer did a great job. I was crying as the young man at the shop unwrapped it to show me. I knew I could never tossed or give that belt and hammer away. I'm heading over to the cabin before Thanksgiving to hang it in the garage. Meanwhile, it's in the back of my car to show and carry something of his with me.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Three Months Since Jack's Passing
Peoples, It has been 3 months since Jack's passing, but, with the dropping of my last bundle of his remains into Puget Sound on Sept. 13th, I feel like it is truly now only two weeks.
I had not anticipated the return to the original level of pain and lost; I didn't think I could hurt that much again. I did and do. And, although I saw some progress prior to the burial, I see myself almost at the beginning, again. I'm easily in tears and I'm not mentally processing well. I do sleep better, but only with a sleep aid, and appetite is still not back, and thus, weight is about 10 pounds lighter. (What a dilemma: I need one pant size smaller now, but will eventually be back to "me normal," which is baggy now. Baggy-and-not-spend-money-now vs. Pants-that-fit-and-spend-money-now-but -$$-will-be-wasted-later. Going with baggy and safety pins on the waist band.)
Fall and the slow loss of long sunshiny days has always been difficult for me. It feels worst now. The earlier dusk is the time that I am so missing Jack. It seems with daylight I can find much to do. Dusk and darkness are more of a struggle. Winter is coming and I'm trying to remember all the things we/HE did to winterize the cabin. I've got the wood for both places for heating the stoves, and I proudly checked that off the list. But, I start to second-question myself, "Is it enough?" and that load of sole-responsibility takes on more weight. I so need that second opinion, so need it.I talk to him often, asking for guidance. "Is this right, Jack?" "Help me, Bubba, I've never done this before, " and the proverbially, "Oh, sh*t, Jackson, what do I do now?" when presented with something new and probably costing money. Sometimes, I hear an answer, but more often than not, it's more of the feeling, "You can do it" and "Trust yourself." How can someone get to 56 years old and not done so much, know so little, and feel so uncomfortable with being alone? I dunno, but I'm there.
I started to put HIS cabin garage into order and I'm always asking him, "Where do you want this?" or "Should this go here or there?" I almost want to apologize to him for not knowing, for not having that conversation sooner. I so want it to be the way he wanted it. No, that's not quite right: I want it perfectly the way he would have wanted it. And, then, my heart and mind says, "It's yours now. Do it your way." And I cry because they're right. Gads, I miss him.I was gently told that I would save something, change some, and toss others. I have gone through one drawer of his dresser and had to stop, as it was too painful to let go of some clothing just yet. I've sent some of his casual clothes to his father, who has truly enjoyed wearing his son's clothes. Otherwise, everything is still there in the closet and dresser. The few empty hangers are painful reminders that there will be more of them and eventually, it will be empty. I know it can wait; there's no rush, but there's time that I want to move forward, too, and clothing seems like a safe start. And then I learn, nothing is safe from the grief, nothing.
I had "immortalized" his tool belt with suspenders, his framing hammer, and measuring tape into a shadow box with a small metal plague, "Jack R. Reynolds ~The Builder." The frame shop doing the work really got what I wanted, what my intent was, what the meaning of those three things were. I pick it up next weekend, and will put it proudly in his garage, his finished garage. Look for it if you've ever there at the cabin.
So, 8 weeks forward, 6 weeks back, and that's how grief goes. I sometimes ask myself, "WiIl the 28th of any month eventually just be the 28th of the month and not a reminder, an anniversary?" Not for awhile is the answer, not for awhile.
In the here and now,
Tally
I had not anticipated the return to the original level of pain and lost; I didn't think I could hurt that much again. I did and do. And, although I saw some progress prior to the burial, I see myself almost at the beginning, again. I'm easily in tears and I'm not mentally processing well. I do sleep better, but only with a sleep aid, and appetite is still not back, and thus, weight is about 10 pounds lighter. (What a dilemma: I need one pant size smaller now, but will eventually be back to "me normal," which is baggy now. Baggy-and-not-spend-money-now vs. Pants-that-fit-and-spend-money-now-but -$$-will-be-wasted-later. Going with baggy and safety pins on the waist band.)
Fall and the slow loss of long sunshiny days has always been difficult for me. It feels worst now. The earlier dusk is the time that I am so missing Jack. It seems with daylight I can find much to do. Dusk and darkness are more of a struggle. Winter is coming and I'm trying to remember all the things we/HE did to winterize the cabin. I've got the wood for both places for heating the stoves, and I proudly checked that off the list. But, I start to second-question myself, "Is it enough?" and that load of sole-responsibility takes on more weight. I so need that second opinion, so need it.I talk to him often, asking for guidance. "Is this right, Jack?" "Help me, Bubba, I've never done this before, " and the proverbially, "Oh, sh*t, Jackson, what do I do now?" when presented with something new and probably costing money. Sometimes, I hear an answer, but more often than not, it's more of the feeling, "You can do it" and "Trust yourself." How can someone get to 56 years old and not done so much, know so little, and feel so uncomfortable with being alone? I dunno, but I'm there.
I started to put HIS cabin garage into order and I'm always asking him, "Where do you want this?" or "Should this go here or there?" I almost want to apologize to him for not knowing, for not having that conversation sooner. I so want it to be the way he wanted it. No, that's not quite right: I want it perfectly the way he would have wanted it. And, then, my heart and mind says, "It's yours now. Do it your way." And I cry because they're right. Gads, I miss him.I was gently told that I would save something, change some, and toss others. I have gone through one drawer of his dresser and had to stop, as it was too painful to let go of some clothing just yet. I've sent some of his casual clothes to his father, who has truly enjoyed wearing his son's clothes. Otherwise, everything is still there in the closet and dresser. The few empty hangers are painful reminders that there will be more of them and eventually, it will be empty. I know it can wait; there's no rush, but there's time that I want to move forward, too, and clothing seems like a safe start. And then I learn, nothing is safe from the grief, nothing.
I had "immortalized" his tool belt with suspenders, his framing hammer, and measuring tape into a shadow box with a small metal plague, "Jack R. Reynolds ~The Builder." The frame shop doing the work really got what I wanted, what my intent was, what the meaning of those three things were. I pick it up next weekend, and will put it proudly in his garage, his finished garage. Look for it if you've ever there at the cabin.
So, 8 weeks forward, 6 weeks back, and that's how grief goes. I sometimes ask myself, "WiIl the 28th of any month eventually just be the 28th of the month and not a reminder, an anniversary?" Not for awhile is the answer, not for awhile.
In the here and now,
Tally
Friday, August 29, 2008
Month 2 Update
Friends,I have sent Ron this blog entry and have taken his suggestion that I sent it out the "old way," too, to make sure you are updated on me. I am getting those questions from a variety of people, "Are you OK? How are you doing?" I started this entry last night and finished it today.
August 28, 2008
A dear soul gave me the following prose that is so true for me: "You think that their dying is the worst thing that could happen. Then they stay dead." (Donald Hall)
It's been two months without Jack now. Although I am more accustomed to being alone, I am not accustomed to the loneliness. The reality of his passing sinks deeper, and thus, it hurts deeper when it hurts. I still want to converse with him about something I saw or heard, something we would both get a chuckle, a tear, or tinge of outrage. I catch myself several times a day just wanting to see his face and his smile, next to me in the car, sitting at the dining room table, washing dishes. I miss reaching out and touching him, holding hands, being hugged. I miss the "second opinion," the helping hand with everyday tasks and errands, and his presence in the house. I miss him looking at me, being looked at with affection and devotion and commitment. Certain musical lyrics will drain my resolve and strength, seemingly able to gather into one song what I feel and think, and I am weeping. And then I hit "repeat" and listen to it, again and again.
I worded my essence without Jack as "just me" for awhile, and, now, it's evolving to "still me." I've learned that I can do whatever it takes to keep this house as mine. That is comforting. I can manage my time and tasks, although I live by lists to keep me focus. That is comforting. I stumble through those "1st time" moments, being painfully reminded that it's "just me." Simple things like renting a video, watching a favorite TV show, to more emotional like having a birthday or noting the elapsing time has become 2 whole months already. But I get through them as "still me." And that is comforting.
The crazy part of my tasks/errands reminder is I will think of something that needs to be done, but the original list is upstairs or downstairs, and I quickly grab the nearest piece of paper and write the note, knowing I will forget it otherwise. I spend a part of a day gathering these notes onto ONE page. My best "note fiasco" thus far was, while at the cabin recently, writing all that I needed to bring from home back to the cabin. I left it in my shorts' pocket and I thought of this just as the washer went into its wash cycle. I'm frantically pulling out this 100% soaked pair of shorts, praying the note is still somewhat intact. Nope. Got a "clean" slate on that note. Hope nothing was vital, as brain also has a clean slate on that list. :-/
A part of his ashes will be placed behind a retaining wall at the cabin on Tuesday, Sept. 2nd. That "burial" is another nudge to the brain and heart that Jack is gone. I've bought a single brick that is different in color than all the other bricks to be "his brick" in the wall. That will be a good reminder of all that that place meant to him and that he will always be there.
More than anything else, I want people to know I am OK. My dog helps motivate me to get out of bed in the morning, and that is good. I put on my under garments correctly, and clothes are right side out and facing the right way. That is good, too. There's not a day goes by that I don't' cry. It still is sometimes unbelievable that Jack is gone and unbelievably painful at times. But, know that I moving forward into the life I should be living,..in the here and now.
Tally
August 28, 2008
A dear soul gave me the following prose that is so true for me: "You think that their dying is the worst thing that could happen. Then they stay dead." (Donald Hall)
It's been two months without Jack now. Although I am more accustomed to being alone, I am not accustomed to the loneliness. The reality of his passing sinks deeper, and thus, it hurts deeper when it hurts. I still want to converse with him about something I saw or heard, something we would both get a chuckle, a tear, or tinge of outrage. I catch myself several times a day just wanting to see his face and his smile, next to me in the car, sitting at the dining room table, washing dishes. I miss reaching out and touching him, holding hands, being hugged. I miss the "second opinion," the helping hand with everyday tasks and errands, and his presence in the house. I miss him looking at me, being looked at with affection and devotion and commitment. Certain musical lyrics will drain my resolve and strength, seemingly able to gather into one song what I feel and think, and I am weeping. And then I hit "repeat" and listen to it, again and again.
I worded my essence without Jack as "just me" for awhile, and, now, it's evolving to "still me." I've learned that I can do whatever it takes to keep this house as mine. That is comforting. I can manage my time and tasks, although I live by lists to keep me focus. That is comforting. I stumble through those "1st time" moments, being painfully reminded that it's "just me." Simple things like renting a video, watching a favorite TV show, to more emotional like having a birthday or noting the elapsing time has become 2 whole months already. But I get through them as "still me." And that is comforting.
The crazy part of my tasks/errands reminder is I will think of something that needs to be done, but the original list is upstairs or downstairs, and I quickly grab the nearest piece of paper and write the note, knowing I will forget it otherwise. I spend a part of a day gathering these notes onto ONE page. My best "note fiasco" thus far was, while at the cabin recently, writing all that I needed to bring from home back to the cabin. I left it in my shorts' pocket and I thought of this just as the washer went into its wash cycle. I'm frantically pulling out this 100% soaked pair of shorts, praying the note is still somewhat intact. Nope. Got a "clean" slate on that note. Hope nothing was vital, as brain also has a clean slate on that list. :-/
A part of his ashes will be placed behind a retaining wall at the cabin on Tuesday, Sept. 2nd. That "burial" is another nudge to the brain and heart that Jack is gone. I've bought a single brick that is different in color than all the other bricks to be "his brick" in the wall. That will be a good reminder of all that that place meant to him and that he will always be there.
More than anything else, I want people to know I am OK. My dog helps motivate me to get out of bed in the morning, and that is good. I put on my under garments correctly, and clothes are right side out and facing the right way. That is good, too. There's not a day goes by that I don't' cry. It still is sometimes unbelievable that Jack is gone and unbelievably painful at times. But, know that I moving forward into the life I should be living,..in the here and now.
Tally
Monday, August 4, 2008
Some of the "Wallace Words"
Paraphrased somewhat from a poem by Claudia Minden Weisz:
God Said No
I asked God to take away my habit. I imagine Him to say
* NO - It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up
I asked God to grant me patience. I imagine Him to say
*NO - Patience is a by-product of tribulations - it isn't granted, it is learned
I asked God to give me patience. I imagine Him to say
*NO - I give you blessings - Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain. I imagine Him to say
*NO - Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares; and brings you closer to ME.
I asked God to heal my friend. I imagine Him to say
* NO - your friend's spirit is whole and his body is only temporary.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. I imagine Him to say
*NO - How about I give you life that you might have it more abundantly.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. I imagine Him to say
*NO - You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God to help me to love others as much as He loves me. I imagine Him to say
*AHHHH...you finally have the idea...
God Said No
I asked God to take away my habit. I imagine Him to say
* NO - It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up
I asked God to grant me patience. I imagine Him to say
*NO - Patience is a by-product of tribulations - it isn't granted, it is learned
I asked God to give me patience. I imagine Him to say
*NO - I give you blessings - Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain. I imagine Him to say
*NO - Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares; and brings you closer to ME.
I asked God to heal my friend. I imagine Him to say
* NO - your friend's spirit is whole and his body is only temporary.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. I imagine Him to say
*NO - How about I give you life that you might have it more abundantly.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. I imagine Him to say
*NO - You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God to help me to love others as much as He loves me. I imagine Him to say
*AHHHH...you finally have the idea...
Bill Stewart provided some pics...........
Bill Stewart provided these pics.We're not sure, but we think this lady below is Jack's Crazy Cousin Gertrude. (Actually, you know it's Jack).
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Celebration Program (in case you didn't get one today)
Jack Ray Reynolds
May 9, 1947-June 28, 2008
Jack was born in Spokane, Washington to Ralph and Dorothy Reynolds. He had an older sister, Deedie (Edith), whom he tormented as only an younger brother can do. He graduated from North Central High School, where he was on both the football and wrestling teams. After pledging Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity and a part of the university wrestling team at the UW, with hopes of being a nursing student, Jack later transferred to Eastern Wash. Univ., graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Phys. Education. He eventually earned his Master In Science at the UW in 1973. Issaquah School District hired Jack in 1969 to teach at Issaquah Middle School (1969-74). He later helped with the opening of Pine Lake Middle School (1974-1978), and finally settled in Maywood Middle School (1979-2006.) He taught numerous subjects, including Science, Math, Wood Shop, Health, and Phys. Education. Jack coached several middle level football, wrestling, and track teams, and coached Liberty High School’s girls’ volleyball teams. Over the years, he served as Activity Coordinator, ASB Advisor, and Athletic Director. Jack was well-known in both the softball umpires and wrestling officials communities, at the local, state, regional, and national levels, having received numerous accolades for his service and officiating. From first marriage, Jack has two sons, Scott (Michelle) and Steve (Kelly), and now three grandchildren, Casey, Jake, and Skyler. Jack always brought a joke or two to whomever needed a smile and a helping hand to those in need. His love for his wife, Tally, and all animals, especially his own dog, Annie B was obvious to all.
Special Note of Appreciation
Special thanks to Claudia Fast, Glenda Kimsey, & Ron Roots; to friends who helped with the details of the Celebration; to those who traveled far or re-arranged the day to be here; to the dozen of card writers; to those who prayed and supported us through Jack’s “Last Match.”
Achievements and Awards
In Loving Memory of Jack R. Reynolds
August 22, 2008 10:00 a.m.
Vasa Hall, Bellevue, Washington
Welcome
Jack’s Life and Accomplishments
Words and Personal Stories
From Family and Friends
Reading: That Man is a Success
Slide Show
Closing Remarks
Reading: Prayer of St. Theresa
Refreshments
Master of Ceremonies: Ron Roots
THAT MAN IS A SUCCESS ..who has lived well, laughed often and moved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his tasks; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.
~~Robert Stevenson~~
May 9, 1947-June 28, 2008
Jack was born in Spokane, Washington to Ralph and Dorothy Reynolds. He had an older sister, Deedie (Edith), whom he tormented as only an younger brother can do. He graduated from North Central High School, where he was on both the football and wrestling teams. After pledging Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity and a part of the university wrestling team at the UW, with hopes of being a nursing student, Jack later transferred to Eastern Wash. Univ., graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Phys. Education. He eventually earned his Master In Science at the UW in 1973. Issaquah School District hired Jack in 1969 to teach at Issaquah Middle School (1969-74). He later helped with the opening of Pine Lake Middle School (1974-1978), and finally settled in Maywood Middle School (1979-2006.) He taught numerous subjects, including Science, Math, Wood Shop, Health, and Phys. Education. Jack coached several middle level football, wrestling, and track teams, and coached Liberty High School’s girls’ volleyball teams. Over the years, he served as Activity Coordinator, ASB Advisor, and Athletic Director. Jack was well-known in both the softball umpires and wrestling officials communities, at the local, state, regional, and national levels, having received numerous accolades for his service and officiating. From first marriage, Jack has two sons, Scott (Michelle) and Steve (Kelly), and now three grandchildren, Casey, Jake, and Skyler. Jack always brought a joke or two to whomever needed a smile and a helping hand to those in need. His love for his wife, Tally, and all animals, especially his own dog, Annie B was obvious to all.
Special Note of Appreciation
Special thanks to Claudia Fast, Glenda Kimsey, & Ron Roots; to friends who helped with the details of the Celebration; to those who traveled far or re-arranged the day to be here; to the dozen of card writers; to those who prayed and supported us through Jack’s “Last Match.”
Achievements and Awards
Wrestling
41 years of service: official, assignor, board member, state rules clinician, state evaluator. 38 years officiating 20 state championships 2001 restling Official of the Year, Nat’l. Fed. Officials Assoc.
41 years of service: official, assignor, board member, state rules clinician, state evaluator. 38 years officiating 20 state championships 2001 restling Official of the Year, Nat’l. Fed. Officials Assoc.
2001 Puget Sound Referee of the Year
2005 Meritorious Service Award, Wash. Officials Assoc.
2006 Hall of Fame Induction, Wash. Officials Assoc.
2007 Dr. William A. Tomaras Award for Leadership, Development, & Promotion of Wrestling in Wash. State
2007 WIAA Hall of Fame Induction
2008 Nat’l. Wrestling Hall of Fame Induction for Lifetime
Service to Wrestling
Softball
21 years of service: official, board member. 6 ASA National Championships officiated. (Member of Nat’l. Indicator Fraternity.)
Officiated the Pac-10. Officiated 5 State High School Championships
2003 Ray Houghton Umpire Award 2007 Softball Official of the Year (WIAA) 2007 Award named after Jack for service, dedication, and excellence in high school softball umpiring.
Washington Activity Coordinator Association (WACA)
Pres. Elect, Pres., and Past President 1992-1994
Board Member 1989-1991Presenter at Conferences
2005 Meritorious Service Award, Wash. Officials Assoc.
2006 Hall of Fame Induction, Wash. Officials Assoc.
2007 Dr. William A. Tomaras Award for Leadership, Development, & Promotion of Wrestling in Wash. State
2007 WIAA Hall of Fame Induction
2008 Nat’l. Wrestling Hall of Fame Induction for Lifetime
Service to Wrestling
Softball
21 years of service: official, board member. 6 ASA National Championships officiated. (Member of Nat’l. Indicator Fraternity.)
Officiated the Pac-10. Officiated 5 State High School Championships
2003 Ray Houghton Umpire Award 2007 Softball Official of the Year (WIAA) 2007 Award named after Jack for service, dedication, and excellence in high school softball umpiring.
Washington Activity Coordinator Association (WACA)
Pres. Elect, Pres., and Past President 1992-1994
Board Member 1989-1991Presenter at Conferences
In Loving Memory of Jack R. Reynolds
August 22, 2008 10:00 a.m.
Vasa Hall, Bellevue, Washington
Welcome
Jack’s Life and Accomplishments
Words and Personal Stories
From Family and Friends
Reading: That Man is a Success
Slide Show
Closing Remarks
Reading: Prayer of St. Theresa
Refreshments
Master of Ceremonies: Ron Roots
THAT MAN IS A SUCCESS ..who has lived well, laughed often and moved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his tasks; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.
~~Robert Stevenson~~
Wow, What a Celebration!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU all for helping celebrate Jack's Life today. We heard some awesome stories about Jack's Love for Life. Here are a few pictures from the ceremony.
If you have some good digital pics of the COL, pls email them to me at captronr@gmail.com and I'll post them here.
Again, thanks for making this a great day.
Ron
Friday, August 1, 2008
Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund
Chuck Tompkins and a group of people have initiated the Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund. Here are the words on their flyer:
Jack Reynolds graduated from Eastern Washington University with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Physical Education, and then secured his Masters in Education at The University of Washington. Along with his being an educator for 36 years, he is known as a Wrestling and Softball Official at the State and National levels. His love of sport and dedication to students led him to a career that included coaching Wrestling, Football, Track, and Volleyball. In 2008, Jack was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame for his lifetime of dedication to the sport.
The Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund’s primary goal is to establish a perpetual fund to assist a student athlete’s post secondary education. The scholarship award will specifically recognize student athletes who exemplify qualities modeled and instilled by Jack: scholarship, sportsmanship, integrity, dedication, and mentorship.
Please send donations to:
Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund
P.O. Box 294
Renton, WA 98057-0294
Website under construction- www.JackReynoldsScholarshipFund.com
Jack Reynolds graduated from Eastern Washington University with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Physical Education, and then secured his Masters in Education at The University of Washington. Along with his being an educator for 36 years, he is known as a Wrestling and Softball Official at the State and National levels. His love of sport and dedication to students led him to a career that included coaching Wrestling, Football, Track, and Volleyball. In 2008, Jack was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame for his lifetime of dedication to the sport.
The Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund’s primary goal is to establish a perpetual fund to assist a student athlete’s post secondary education. The scholarship award will specifically recognize student athletes who exemplify qualities modeled and instilled by Jack: scholarship, sportsmanship, integrity, dedication, and mentorship.
Please send donations to:
Jack Reynolds Scholarship Fund
P.O. Box 294
Renton, WA 98057-0294
Website under construction- www.JackReynoldsScholarshipFund.com
Monday, July 7, 2008
Stay tuned for additional requests...............
Edit: This is taking longer than we thought, and is less of a priority right now. Sorry for any confusion. ron
Tally is working on a new list of things she needs some assistance with.
Tally REALLY appreciates the caring and support she has received to date.
You people are GREAT. THANKS.
Ron for Tally
Tally is working on a new list of things she needs some assistance with.
Tally REALLY appreciates the caring and support she has received to date.
You people are GREAT. THANKS.
Ron for Tally
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Obituary info
Jack R. Reynolds
May 9, 1947-June 28, 2008
After a courageous “wrestling match” with melanoma cancer for more than four years, Jack was finally “pinned” on June 28th.
He was born in Spokane, WA to Ralph and Dorothy Reynolds.
Jack graduated from North Central High School, where he was on both the football and wrestling teams. After pledging Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity at the UW, with hopes of being a nursing student, Jack later transferred to Eastern Wash. Univ., graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Phys. Ed., eventually earning his M.Ed at the UW several years later.
He married Sue Dalziel in 1969, and together they had two sons, Scott and Steve. He was hired by Issaquah School District in 1969 to teach at Issaquah Middle School. He was on the teaching team for the opening of Pine Lake Middle School in 1974, and settled into Maywood Middle School in 1979 for the remainder of his career of 36 years in education.
He taught numerous subjects: Science, Math, Wood Shop, Health, and Phys. Ed., coached numerous school football, wrestling, and track middle level teams, and coached several years the girls’ volleyball teams at Liberty High School.
Jack was well known in both the softball umpires and wrestling officials communities, at the local, state, regional, and national level, having received numerous accolades for his service and officiating. His sister, Edith, and his mother, Dorothy, preceded him. He is survived by his wife, Tally, sons Steve and his wife, Kelly of North Bend, Scott and his wife, Michelle of Friday Harbor, three grandchildren, Casey, Jake, and Skylar, his niece and nephew, Shannon Siemon and Brett Holden, both of Spokane.
The Celebration of Life will be August 2nd, 10 am, at the Vasa Hall, Bellevue (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, WA 98008). Officials of wrestling and softball are asked to wear their stripes or blues, and Issaquah educators to wear their school shirts.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to Seattle-King County Humane Society (for his love of animals), First Place or Childhaven (for his love of children), or your favorite charity (for his love of life and living.)
Posted by Ron for Tally
May 9, 1947-June 28, 2008
After a courageous “wrestling match” with melanoma cancer for more than four years, Jack was finally “pinned” on June 28th.
He was born in Spokane, WA to Ralph and Dorothy Reynolds.
Jack graduated from North Central High School, where he was on both the football and wrestling teams. After pledging Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity at the UW, with hopes of being a nursing student, Jack later transferred to Eastern Wash. Univ., graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Education, majoring in Phys. Ed., eventually earning his M.Ed at the UW several years later.
He married Sue Dalziel in 1969, and together they had two sons, Scott and Steve. He was hired by Issaquah School District in 1969 to teach at Issaquah Middle School. He was on the teaching team for the opening of Pine Lake Middle School in 1974, and settled into Maywood Middle School in 1979 for the remainder of his career of 36 years in education.
He taught numerous subjects: Science, Math, Wood Shop, Health, and Phys. Ed., coached numerous school football, wrestling, and track middle level teams, and coached several years the girls’ volleyball teams at Liberty High School.
Jack was well known in both the softball umpires and wrestling officials communities, at the local, state, regional, and national level, having received numerous accolades for his service and officiating. His sister, Edith, and his mother, Dorothy, preceded him. He is survived by his wife, Tally, sons Steve and his wife, Kelly of North Bend, Scott and his wife, Michelle of Friday Harbor, three grandchildren, Casey, Jake, and Skylar, his niece and nephew, Shannon Siemon and Brett Holden, both of Spokane.
The Celebration of Life will be August 2nd, 10 am, at the Vasa Hall, Bellevue (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, WA 98008). Officials of wrestling and softball are asked to wear their stripes or blues, and Issaquah educators to wear their school shirts.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to Seattle-King County Humane Society (for his love of animals), First Place or Childhaven (for his love of children), or your favorite charity (for his love of life and living.)
Posted by Ron for Tally
Celebration of Life Information
This was in Tally's long note below, but I pulled it out for all to see:
Celebration of Life is set for Aug. 2nd, Saturday, 10 am, Vasa Park Hall, Bellevue. (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, 98008.)
I'm asking for wrestling officials to wear their stripes and softball umps their blues.
Educators can wear their school shirts. Soccer players in their uniform tops. It's Jack, folks, it would have to be informal wear........
Time for story sharing will be the center, and I'm sure there's some great stories out there.
Ron for Tally
Celebration of Life is set for Aug. 2nd, Saturday, 10 am, Vasa Park Hall, Bellevue. (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, 98008.)
I'm asking for wrestling officials to wear their stripes and softball umps their blues.
Educators can wear their school shirts. Soccer players in their uniform tops. It's Jack, folks, it would have to be informal wear........
Time for story sharing will be the center, and I'm sure there's some great stories out there.
Ron for Tally
Day 3 Update from Miss Tally
There are two parts to this update, the Celebration of Life info and then an update on me.
Even in that simple sentence, I am in tears, for I am reminded that the updates were always about Jack, not me. Another damn reminder that he is not here. And those simple reminders happen hundred of times a day, hundreds.I have two dear friends, whom I have nicknamed "My Left Brain," as they are helping with so much of "business end" of death, nudging with compassion, to get some of the immediate tasks done. Like the obit, initial service planning, cleaning Jack's study, etc. Without them, all this would have probably never been done, as it seems so overwhelming right now, to say nothing that my brain stops and starts all the time. I did it, though, I did it!
Even in that successful completion of a few jobs, I know I'll get through this all eventually. Small steps, small steps and with friends there to help.I finished the final draft of the obituary last night, resenting that (1) I was trying to capture Jack's life in about 370 words , (2) I wanted to do this back in April together, thinking WE would have time in the weeks ahead to finish it, and now I had to do it alone, and (3) I had to do it now and quickly. (I enclosed to it to Ron to add to the blog so out-of-town friends and family could see it.) The program will have more details; it will be a book" to include everything about Jack and his life.
Let me back up for one of my proverbial metaphor. I'm serious here and this is for real. A study was done to see if a person in a torrential rain storm would get wetter or not as wet if he/she walk through it verses running through it. The thought being that if you run through it, you would run into more drops. The results? You get equally wet . That's what it is like now. I had to run through getting the obit done and I really wanted to walk. I have to run through so many little things that sounded so big at the time and I wanted to set how fast it had to be done, not someone else's clock/calendar. And I am still getting wet regardless.
Aside, the biggest "run" thus far was being told that I had 24 hours to have Jack's remains removed. I was furious with someone telling me how much time I had and he wasn't even dead 15 minutes. "Can't I have some time with him" I bellowed into the phone. Oh, how I still want more time with him. I try to walk when, truthfully, I want to sprint away.
Sometimes, I have to sprint through when I want to walk. Irony is that Seattle is basking in warm sunny weather; it ain't even rainin' here. Where's a good dreary, cloudy, rainy day for getting soaked when you need one?
Celebration of Life is set for Aug. 2nd, Saturday, 10 am, Vasa Park Hall, Bellevue. (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, 98008.) I'm asking for wrestling officials to wear their stripes and softball umps their blues. Educators can wear their school shirts. Soccer players in their uniform tops. It's Jack, folks, it would have to be informal wear.
Of course, if he was there, he would be in his new black suit....that got one wearing. Time for story sharing will be the center, and I'm sure there's some great stories out there. (I was thinking yesterday of his jokes he loved to tell. I'll tell you just the beginning of one of his favorites and let's see how many of you can finish it: "There were two bulls, a young one and an old one......")
The date, location, and a very, very rough outline for the Celebration is as far as we got. Gotta catch my breath on this sprint. I was looking at the contents of the refrig this morning, trying to figure out what might sound good for breakfast. Nothing does, but I know I have to eat. I'm pretty health conscience and an athlete, so taking care of my body is important. Nothing taste good after one bite, though, but I swallow more anyway. I was thinking, standing there in front of the open refrig, that when I finally eat down all the gifts of food, the refrig will be empty. And I will have to shop for one, just me. So, was my body slowing down to give me more time before that 1st shop? And I was in tears, which is not a good way to spark an appetite, mind you.
Now, think what it would like, then, to see his toothbrush next to mine, find one of his dirty shirts in the laundry and smell him, again, to find his "Do Not Resusciate" paperwork in my purse when all I was looking for were my readers. I look for something that has nothing to do with him and he's there, some emotional reminder that he was here, and is not now. And I'm in tears.
I'm finding the days getting longer and the nights shorter. I'm not sleeping well, but that's to be expected. Right? I saved a couple of Jack's sleeping pills, cut them in half, and will use them on occasion. (Thank God for a better life through pharmacology!) Annie B has returned to the bed with me. She sleeps on his side. And for those nights that I don't sleep, there's always email to be read, and last night, I put the stack of bills to be paid.
Gads, it's the 1st of July already. Amazing the reserve of strength and stamina on 4 and 5 hours of sleep. I've worked out, hoping to get tired enough that I would collapse into bed exhausted, but I don't. I think my heart hurts too much, regardless how long I bicycle or run; I simply can't work it all out now. (Got up Sunday night at 2 am, wide awake, and thought I would work on the obit. Went in the closet to grab a bathrobe, and his was on top of mine, and as I took it to wear it, I could smell his scent. And I'm crying.)I will forever adore this man.
So, every thing I have to move, change, clean, remove seems like I'm erasing his presence in the house. There's his jello in the refrig --can't remove it yet. One cup still has the spoon he used in it. (Does jello mold? That would help in tossing it.) I finished one of his ice teas, toasting him with the last glass. I am finding that I am creating a ritual when I have to remove something and that seems to acknowledgment the moment as sacred. Last night, I erased the monthly dry-erase calendar we have in the kitchen. (It was always more for me than him.) My pen color was blue, his red, doctor app'ts in purple (the color of healing), and things that we would do together in green. I erased the ink on each day with gratitude for that day and then for the month, "Thanks, Jack for this June, our last June together." And then it was blank. For just my commitments. Just mine. And I sob.
So, how am I doing? I am OK. Not fine, not good, just OK. His illness took many things early, so it's not like I'm suddenly doing house chores, bills. I've pretty much been doing it all for a month-plus now. I already knew that, when this day would come, I could do it, so I don't resent doing it, and that is good. I cry often, missing my Jack almost with every step and breath. I know someday that there will be more and more time between the tears, but, for now, I need to walk through this, getting very wet.It's probably difficult for so many of you to do something to help. I know your intentions and your offerings. Right now, so many things involve the legal and business end of a death, which must be initiated and completed by me. I just can't hand it off to someone and ask them to do it. Oh, I so wish I could, believe you me.
Although I cannot keep up with the phone calls and emails, don't stop checking in. That is something a couple months from now to do, too. Mark your calendars, please.I am so grateful--and that word should be in capitals 5 font sizes bigger--for the support. The visitors, the calls, the emails, the cards. Know that I am storing up this love and concern for later when it gets quieter. You are shoring me up now for then. I am truly overwhelmed at the words of love for this man. I can read about two emails, sometimes one, and I am sobbing and have to stop: I can't see the screen any more. Your words capture so well what I am missing. Jack was true to himself, regardless of the setting, home, the officiating arena, meetings, classroom. So, when you write of him, I sooooooo know how right you are in your experiences with him. I'm printing your emails to be read, again, later, to treasure you as his friend and your words about my Jack.
Thanks, Jack's "peeps," thanks from my heart.
As always, to the here and now,
Tally
P.S. I have to remind myself that he died on Saturday. I'm only 3 days out from his passing. Seems more and at times, seems less. So surreal.
Even in that simple sentence, I am in tears, for I am reminded that the updates were always about Jack, not me. Another damn reminder that he is not here. And those simple reminders happen hundred of times a day, hundreds.I have two dear friends, whom I have nicknamed "My Left Brain," as they are helping with so much of "business end" of death, nudging with compassion, to get some of the immediate tasks done. Like the obit, initial service planning, cleaning Jack's study, etc. Without them, all this would have probably never been done, as it seems so overwhelming right now, to say nothing that my brain stops and starts all the time. I did it, though, I did it!
Even in that successful completion of a few jobs, I know I'll get through this all eventually. Small steps, small steps and with friends there to help.I finished the final draft of the obituary last night, resenting that (1) I was trying to capture Jack's life in about 370 words , (2) I wanted to do this back in April together, thinking WE would have time in the weeks ahead to finish it, and now I had to do it alone, and (3) I had to do it now and quickly. (I enclosed to it to Ron to add to the blog so out-of-town friends and family could see it.) The program will have more details; it will be a book" to include everything about Jack and his life.
Let me back up for one of my proverbial metaphor. I'm serious here and this is for real. A study was done to see if a person in a torrential rain storm would get wetter or not as wet if he/she walk through it verses running through it. The thought being that if you run through it, you would run into more drops. The results? You get equally wet . That's what it is like now. I had to run through getting the obit done and I really wanted to walk. I have to run through so many little things that sounded so big at the time and I wanted to set how fast it had to be done, not someone else's clock/calendar. And I am still getting wet regardless.
Aside, the biggest "run" thus far was being told that I had 24 hours to have Jack's remains removed. I was furious with someone telling me how much time I had and he wasn't even dead 15 minutes. "Can't I have some time with him" I bellowed into the phone. Oh, how I still want more time with him. I try to walk when, truthfully, I want to sprint away.
Sometimes, I have to sprint through when I want to walk. Irony is that Seattle is basking in warm sunny weather; it ain't even rainin' here. Where's a good dreary, cloudy, rainy day for getting soaked when you need one?
Celebration of Life is set for Aug. 2nd, Saturday, 10 am, Vasa Park Hall, Bellevue. (3560 W. Lk. Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Bellevue, 98008.) I'm asking for wrestling officials to wear their stripes and softball umps their blues. Educators can wear their school shirts. Soccer players in their uniform tops. It's Jack, folks, it would have to be informal wear.
Of course, if he was there, he would be in his new black suit....that got one wearing. Time for story sharing will be the center, and I'm sure there's some great stories out there. (I was thinking yesterday of his jokes he loved to tell. I'll tell you just the beginning of one of his favorites and let's see how many of you can finish it: "There were two bulls, a young one and an old one......")
The date, location, and a very, very rough outline for the Celebration is as far as we got. Gotta catch my breath on this sprint. I was looking at the contents of the refrig this morning, trying to figure out what might sound good for breakfast. Nothing does, but I know I have to eat. I'm pretty health conscience and an athlete, so taking care of my body is important. Nothing taste good after one bite, though, but I swallow more anyway. I was thinking, standing there in front of the open refrig, that when I finally eat down all the gifts of food, the refrig will be empty. And I will have to shop for one, just me. So, was my body slowing down to give me more time before that 1st shop? And I was in tears, which is not a good way to spark an appetite, mind you.
Now, think what it would like, then, to see his toothbrush next to mine, find one of his dirty shirts in the laundry and smell him, again, to find his "Do Not Resusciate" paperwork in my purse when all I was looking for were my readers. I look for something that has nothing to do with him and he's there, some emotional reminder that he was here, and is not now. And I'm in tears.
I'm finding the days getting longer and the nights shorter. I'm not sleeping well, but that's to be expected. Right? I saved a couple of Jack's sleeping pills, cut them in half, and will use them on occasion. (Thank God for a better life through pharmacology!) Annie B has returned to the bed with me. She sleeps on his side. And for those nights that I don't sleep, there's always email to be read, and last night, I put the stack of bills to be paid.
Gads, it's the 1st of July already. Amazing the reserve of strength and stamina on 4 and 5 hours of sleep. I've worked out, hoping to get tired enough that I would collapse into bed exhausted, but I don't. I think my heart hurts too much, regardless how long I bicycle or run; I simply can't work it all out now. (Got up Sunday night at 2 am, wide awake, and thought I would work on the obit. Went in the closet to grab a bathrobe, and his was on top of mine, and as I took it to wear it, I could smell his scent. And I'm crying.)I will forever adore this man.
So, every thing I have to move, change, clean, remove seems like I'm erasing his presence in the house. There's his jello in the refrig --can't remove it yet. One cup still has the spoon he used in it. (Does jello mold? That would help in tossing it.) I finished one of his ice teas, toasting him with the last glass. I am finding that I am creating a ritual when I have to remove something and that seems to acknowledgment the moment as sacred. Last night, I erased the monthly dry-erase calendar we have in the kitchen. (It was always more for me than him.) My pen color was blue, his red, doctor app'ts in purple (the color of healing), and things that we would do together in green. I erased the ink on each day with gratitude for that day and then for the month, "Thanks, Jack for this June, our last June together." And then it was blank. For just my commitments. Just mine. And I sob.
So, how am I doing? I am OK. Not fine, not good, just OK. His illness took many things early, so it's not like I'm suddenly doing house chores, bills. I've pretty much been doing it all for a month-plus now. I already knew that, when this day would come, I could do it, so I don't resent doing it, and that is good. I cry often, missing my Jack almost with every step and breath. I know someday that there will be more and more time between the tears, but, for now, I need to walk through this, getting very wet.It's probably difficult for so many of you to do something to help. I know your intentions and your offerings. Right now, so many things involve the legal and business end of a death, which must be initiated and completed by me. I just can't hand it off to someone and ask them to do it. Oh, I so wish I could, believe you me.
Although I cannot keep up with the phone calls and emails, don't stop checking in. That is something a couple months from now to do, too. Mark your calendars, please.I am so grateful--and that word should be in capitals 5 font sizes bigger--for the support. The visitors, the calls, the emails, the cards. Know that I am storing up this love and concern for later when it gets quieter. You are shoring me up now for then. I am truly overwhelmed at the words of love for this man. I can read about two emails, sometimes one, and I am sobbing and have to stop: I can't see the screen any more. Your words capture so well what I am missing. Jack was true to himself, regardless of the setting, home, the officiating arena, meetings, classroom. So, when you write of him, I sooooooo know how right you are in your experiences with him. I'm printing your emails to be read, again, later, to treasure you as his friend and your words about my Jack.
Thanks, Jack's "peeps," thanks from my heart.
As always, to the here and now,
Tally
P.S. I have to remind myself that he died on Saturday. I'm only 3 days out from his passing. Seems more and at times, seems less. So surreal.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Day 1 of the next Journey
We talked with Tally last night, and she seemed do be doing ok (if you consider what she’s gone through).
Consider this very unofficial from Ron, NOT Tally: There will be a memorial service honoring Jack later in July. As I hear of the plans, I’ll post them here and send out an email to all the addresses I have, unless Tally does it before I do.
While she’s not looking at the blog for awhile, any comment you post there will go to her email. But since we know that she’s kept/keeping a memorial book, and email can be lost in the blink of an electron, it might be nice to send a paper copy of any condolences in place or in addition to any blog or email entries. I know she’d want them to add to a memory book that she can review at a less hectic pace. If you post them as comments to the blog, they will be included when I print it.
She asked about printing the blog, and I’ll do that for her later. For the geeky: Rather than just hit print and burn thousands of pages, I’ll copy/paste the words/pics into a word file and print that for her.
Many of you, especially the counselors know this, but Tally has shared with us that she was willing and able to present Jack’s condition with us (I often didn’t see how she could do it) because she knew how many people Jack had touched. She wanted all of US to be able to “be with” Jack during this journey.
Now, it will be Tally that needs our focus. I hope we can continue to support and lift her up as she did for us. I have great confidence in all of us to be able to do that. You people are special!
The blog site will be up until we close it, or google crashes, or something. I made a trip blog in 2007, and although no entries have been made for a year, it’s still there.
Again, we thank you for all your care of Tally and Jack.
God Bless You All!
Ron and Chari
Consider this very unofficial from Ron, NOT Tally: There will be a memorial service honoring Jack later in July. As I hear of the plans, I’ll post them here and send out an email to all the addresses I have, unless Tally does it before I do.
While she’s not looking at the blog for awhile, any comment you post there will go to her email. But since we know that she’s kept/keeping a memorial book, and email can be lost in the blink of an electron, it might be nice to send a paper copy of any condolences in place or in addition to any blog or email entries. I know she’d want them to add to a memory book that she can review at a less hectic pace. If you post them as comments to the blog, they will be included when I print it.
She asked about printing the blog, and I’ll do that for her later. For the geeky: Rather than just hit print and burn thousands of pages, I’ll copy/paste the words/pics into a word file and print that for her.
Many of you, especially the counselors know this, but Tally has shared with us that she was willing and able to present Jack’s condition with us (I often didn’t see how she could do it) because she knew how many people Jack had touched. She wanted all of US to be able to “be with” Jack during this journey.
Now, it will be Tally that needs our focus. I hope we can continue to support and lift her up as she did for us. I have great confidence in all of us to be able to do that. You people are special!
The blog site will be up until we close it, or google crashes, or something. I made a trip blog in 2007, and although no entries have been made for a year, it’s still there.
Again, we thank you for all your care of Tally and Jack.
God Bless You All!
Ron and Chari
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Peace has come
It is impossible to fathom how fast this last leg of the journey went. The nurse was here this morning at 10-ish, was planning on coming back around 2 pm to check on Jack. New pain meds were ordered and a friend went to pick them up at noon.. And at 12:55-ish, Jack took his last breath on this earth.
There were two prayers answered this morning. I had prayed to be present when he died. The friend "Jack sitting" saw how agitated he got when I kissed him goodbye before heading to a soccer practice. She called while I was in route and said that I should get back asap. And, when she told Jack I was coming back, he settled down. He knew.
I was there and a prayer was answered. Younger son, Steve, said he wanted to be present, too. He had just come by to check on Jack and then head over to our cabin. I come down from upstairs to update them, and went back up to see Jack gasping. I ran back downstairs and told them to come up with me as I think he's going to die now. And he did, taking his last breath with us there.
Prayer #2 answered.I am in that absolutely stunned space, mixed with the hyperkinetic energy to remove all medically related items from the bedroom. Now. No, actually, throw it all out the window. No, through a window. I won't, but that energy is so here.
And I need to go sit with him for some time, although I thought it would have been longer, like forever. Then, I have to call to have his earthly temple for his soul removed later this afternoon.
Then...whatever comes next.
To the here and now,
Tally
Ron's note: Will post more details as they materialize.
Ron for Tally
Sad update
I rec'd this from Tally this morning:
Update from hospice nurses' visit on Friday, 6/27/08
The news here is very sad.On Wednesday of this week, I had a moment with Jack that will forever be profoundly marked in my heart of "other" side of him, the one with wisdom and depth. In a moment of absolutely clarity, he asked me, "Am I melting?" Not "declining", not " slipping," but "melting." Yes, Sweetheart, you are.
Simply, hospice has advised me that Jack has about a week left of life on this earth. He is truly melting and the wick is short. I am in tears trying to grasp how fast this has gone. I thought I had more time to talk, laugh, and reminiscence. I feel robbed. And now panic. It's getting harder to control the pain as he is more resistant to taking the meds.
Last night, it took almost an hour before I could get him in a position to sit-up and take the meds. A hospital bed will be delivered this morning, which will make that task easier. Meanwhile, I detest med times, because it is filled with conflict, no matter how I try to do otherwise. He resist the morphine pills because they taste bitter. His nurse has ordered the liquid version, which will be easier. He is truly wrestling with the pain: not wanting the meds but wanting the comfort. I am wrestling with him to try to make him as comfortable as possible, which means I am trying to control the pain. An English-Scotsman vs. a German-Irishwoman.
Nothing has changed.If you wish to say your goodbyes, I ask for the following structure:1. His sons and their wives will always have 1st priority. (I know this is obvious.) So, if you're there by the bed, please wrap it up for the kids.2. Too many visitors at one time, talking at him, will tire him, which will aggravate the symptoms.
Hospice recommends "quiet" goodbyes. Just sit with him and whisper what you want to say. His spirit will hear you. It is my routine with him.3. Do what your heart needs in closing. Come by if you wish. I won't be having a calendar or schedule for visits. Having the phone ringing or facing a screen of emails seems overwhelming now.
To the here and now,
Tally
ron for Tally
Update from hospice nurses' visit on Friday, 6/27/08
The news here is very sad.On Wednesday of this week, I had a moment with Jack that will forever be profoundly marked in my heart of "other" side of him, the one with wisdom and depth. In a moment of absolutely clarity, he asked me, "Am I melting?" Not "declining", not " slipping," but "melting." Yes, Sweetheart, you are.
Simply, hospice has advised me that Jack has about a week left of life on this earth. He is truly melting and the wick is short. I am in tears trying to grasp how fast this has gone. I thought I had more time to talk, laugh, and reminiscence. I feel robbed. And now panic. It's getting harder to control the pain as he is more resistant to taking the meds.
Last night, it took almost an hour before I could get him in a position to sit-up and take the meds. A hospital bed will be delivered this morning, which will make that task easier. Meanwhile, I detest med times, because it is filled with conflict, no matter how I try to do otherwise. He resist the morphine pills because they taste bitter. His nurse has ordered the liquid version, which will be easier. He is truly wrestling with the pain: not wanting the meds but wanting the comfort. I am wrestling with him to try to make him as comfortable as possible, which means I am trying to control the pain. An English-Scotsman vs. a German-Irishwoman.
Nothing has changed.If you wish to say your goodbyes, I ask for the following structure:1. His sons and their wives will always have 1st priority. (I know this is obvious.) So, if you're there by the bed, please wrap it up for the kids.2. Too many visitors at one time, talking at him, will tire him, which will aggravate the symptoms.
Hospice recommends "quiet" goodbyes. Just sit with him and whisper what you want to say. His spirit will hear you. It is my routine with him.3. Do what your heart needs in closing. Come by if you wish. I won't be having a calendar or schedule for visits. Having the phone ringing or facing a screen of emails seems overwhelming now.
To the here and now,
Tally
ron for Tally
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
5th request--Respite Care 6/30 evening
I need someone to "Jack-sit" --oh, he would laugh at how this "Jack-sit" could be said differently. Imagine his sheepish grin here-- on Monday, June 30th, from 5:40-7:45 pm. My appointment is about 15-20 minutes away from home and last an hour. I'll take Annie B with me and give her a walk before coming home.
Gotta tell you that these requests feel like eBay or Craig's List, like who is just sitting in front of their computer screens waiting to respond.
Amazing friends we have.
Tally
Ron's note: Henceforth, any of you that assist with respite care might be know as "Jack-s_itters". Notice that there is no "H" in the term...........
ron
Gotta tell you that these requests feel like eBay or Craig's List, like who is just sitting in front of their computer screens waiting to respond.
Amazing friends we have.
Tally
Ron's note: Henceforth, any of you that assist with respite care might be know as "Jack-s_itters". Notice that there is no "H" in the term...........
ron
Jack Update 6/25
A long morning, with an early get up and drive into Seattle to be at the oncologist's office by 8:30 am, get an ultrasound, and then have the procedure to address the fluid in his abdomen.. A liter of liquid was drained from "Buddha Man" this morning and has made a significant positive difference in Jack's comfort. Doctor has approximated that there's still 2 more liters to go, but it is unwise to do it all at once with Jack's condition.
Regardless, Jack is sleeping better, not groaning or moaning as he turns over. If the liquid returns within the next few days, we're back in on Friday. If not, probably in two weeks. Prayers have been answered for his comfort.
On Friday, we meet with the surgeon to discuss the fluid in his heart sac and the possible surgery. I am doubting that the operation will take place, as Jack is simply not strong enough to withstand it. That's my opinion. Will be interesting to see what the surgeon says.
I love the picture Ron posted of Jack and I giving him our "best sides" at Cannon Beach. This playful nature is such a core of our relationship and it won't stop until the end. Today, I'm working Jack and the wheelchair into the elevator at the doctor's building. I should have a "student driver" sign on my back, as I ram him into the wall, trying to push the floor button. Then, backing out of the elevator, I was struck at how much we are on the same wavelength: almost on cue, as we're backing out, we both start with the truck's back-up sound, "beep-beep-beep." It was both a very funny and emotional moment, as I realize how much my sidekick and I can still have fun together, even in this leg of the journey.
Thanks for the well-wishes, the answers/solutions to our needs, and for your love of us.
To the here and now,
Tally
Regardless, Jack is sleeping better, not groaning or moaning as he turns over. If the liquid returns within the next few days, we're back in on Friday. If not, probably in two weeks. Prayers have been answered for his comfort.
On Friday, we meet with the surgeon to discuss the fluid in his heart sac and the possible surgery. I am doubting that the operation will take place, as Jack is simply not strong enough to withstand it. That's my opinion. Will be interesting to see what the surgeon says.
I love the picture Ron posted of Jack and I giving him our "best sides" at Cannon Beach. This playful nature is such a core of our relationship and it won't stop until the end. Today, I'm working Jack and the wheelchair into the elevator at the doctor's building. I should have a "student driver" sign on my back, as I ram him into the wall, trying to push the floor button. Then, backing out of the elevator, I was struck at how much we are on the same wavelength: almost on cue, as we're backing out, we both start with the truck's back-up sound, "beep-beep-beep." It was both a very funny and emotional moment, as I realize how much my sidekick and I can still have fun together, even in this leg of the journey.
Thanks for the well-wishes, the answers/solutions to our needs, and for your love of us.
To the here and now,
Tally
Another nice tribute to Jack that we might not know
I rec'd this a day or so ago, and just now getting around to posting it.
I have these pictures to share from such an honoring event which I am hoping you could post. I don't know if others understand what a remarkable man Jack is!
Thank you,
Karen Zink
--------------------------------------------------
I was able to attend the WIAA Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and luncheon at the Yakima Convention Center in April 2007. Jack received the "Officials" award for his tireless commitment to our youth and the sportsmanship he lives by. The following is the impressive write-up from the program:
Jack Reynolds has been officiating in the state of Washington for 38 years, including 36 wrestling league tournaments, 30 regional wrestling tournaments and 24 state wrestling tournaments. He was named the head official for the state wrestling championships 12 times.
Jack has been a wrestling clinician since 1986, assignor for the Pacific Northwest Wrestling Association, Washington Officials Association (WOA) Executive Board member, and wrestling evaluator. He has received numerous awards for his involvement in wrestling and softball, including the WOA Meritorious Service Award, the Joe Babbitt Contributor Award from the Washington State Wrestling Coaches Association, 2001 NFHS Wrestling Official of the Year, and 2004 Seattle Metro Umpire of the Year.
A leader and mentor for both his wrestling and softball officiating, Jack was inducted into the WOA Hall of Fame in 2006. He exemplifies what an official should be and carries himself in a way that creates a positive example for young officials.
Jack has also been known to close down the dance at the annual Washington Activities Coordinators Association conference... so full of energy till the bitter end, as many (such as myself) were already massaging their feet. It was in the late 80's that I met Jack and Tally - and am still smiling and chuckling about the fun we shared.
Once a friend, always a friend to two remarkable individuals!
God bless you,
Karen Piche-Zink, a.k.a. Peach
***********
I have these pictures to share from such an honoring event which I am hoping you could post. I don't know if others understand what a remarkable man Jack is!Thank you,
Karen Zink
--------------------------------------------------
I was able to attend the WIAA Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and luncheon at the Yakima Convention Center in April 2007. Jack received the "Officials" award for his tireless commitment to our youth and the sportsmanship he lives by. The following is the impressive write-up from the program:Jack Reynolds has been officiating in the state of Washington for 38 years, including 36 wrestling league tournaments, 30 regional wrestling tournaments and 24 state wrestling tournaments. He was named the head official for the state wrestling championships 12 times.
Jack has been a wrestling clinician since 1986, assignor for the Pacific Northwest Wrestling Association, Washington Officials Association (WOA) Executive Board member, and wrestling evaluator. He has received numerous awards for his involvement in wrestling and softball, including the WOA Meritorious Service Award, the Joe Babbitt Contributor Award from the Washington State Wrestling Coaches Association, 2001 NFHS Wrestling Official of the Year, and 2004 Seattle Metro Umpire of the Year.A leader and mentor for both his wrestling and softball officiating, Jack was inducted into the WOA Hall of Fame in 2006. He exemplifies what an official should be and carries himself in a way that creates a positive example for young officials.
Jack has also been known to close down the dance at the annual Washington Activities Coordinators Association conference... so full of energy till the bitter end, as many (such as myself) were already massaging their feet. It was in the late 80's that I met Jack and Tally - and am still smiling and chuckling about the fun we shared.
Once a friend, always a friend to two remarkable individuals!
God bless you,
Karen Piche-Zink, a.k.a. Peach
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Items needed dtd Jun 24
These items are pulled from Tally's update note below. Pls use this post to respond of those tasks/items that you can cover:
** Twin inflatable mattress--can use right now.
** A baby-monitor device, so she can be outside and hear Jack.
** Someone that's in their house soon, find out what print cartridge her Mac uses. Pls purchase a black and color ink package, and 2 reams of paper for them. (If you need help covering the cost, email Ron and I'll help with the cost.)
** Let me know if you have respite experience in the final stages please (Ron suggests you send a private email for this one)
Ron for Tally
** Twin inflatable mattress--can use right now.
** A baby-monitor device, so she can be outside and hear Jack.
** Someone that's in their house soon, find out what print cartridge her Mac uses. Pls purchase a black and color ink package, and 2 reams of paper for them. (If you need help covering the cost, email Ron and I'll help with the cost.)
** Let me know if you have respite experience in the final stages please (Ron suggests you send a private email for this one)
Ron for Tally
Update on Jack June 24
Update on Jack 6/24
We had the hospice nurse in yesterday, still working on that magic combo of meds that will give him comfort. Not yet, and each time she leaves, he looks at me with those loving eyes, and says, "I just want to feel better." He sleeps/rest most of the day, getting in some fluids, a bite or two of jello, and that's about it. His abdomen is quite distended, adding to the discomfort. So much muscle has atrophied, so this big belly is quite noticeable. We're waiting word this morning (Seattle time) for some sort of scan/x-ray to see if there's anything there. He's mentally better, after being taken off one med that made him just loopy. The nurse had him up for about an hour and he was just spent afterwards.
As his "gate keeper" either one medical appointment or one visitor a day is about all he can handle. And even those visits have to be cut to about 3-10 minutes max. I really, really appreciate the understanding and acceptance of those of you who call and are told that he can't have visitors today.
Please keep on trying. I print emails from his "peeps" and read them to him, and that is always both a joy and a few tears for both of us. So, send messages that way, too.
The last couple of nights, just as I am heading down, he picks up some kind of energy and wants to talk. He re-hashes the thoughts that have run through his head all day. One night he was going through a small checklist of things he thought I would need. "Do you need any gear [for the big soccer tournament coming up]?" (I was crying on this one.) There are small pots of his money, and he wanted me to know, like I didn't already, but it made him feel better to talk about it. Another night it was wrestling assigning night and he was going through district by district how to do the billing. Last night there was none, as I think it was a long day for him. I had internally groaned when he starts these very late conversations, as I am just spent and just wanted to go to bed. But, I think to myself that we're not too far off when we won't be having a conversation beyond a minute and I should treasure these 15-minuters. Amazing what tidbits of energy you can drag up from your toes to keep going.
Our dog, Annie B, is also struggling with the changes in him. He has asked that she NOT sleep on the bed next to him at night. He can't seem to find a comfortable spot and tosses and turns a lot. Because she's "on duty" and his "nurse," she packs right into him. So, I enticed her with a dog treat off the bed out of the room, and shut the door. You can see it in her eyes, "But why?" A good question without a good answer.You respite helpers: I'll have to continue to work on my guilt leaving him to your care. I know he's in good hands; it just feels odd going off with him being so unwell. Jack does not need help with going to the bathroom, and he lives in his underwear. So, if you hear him up, he does not need any help using the bathroom and would be greatly embarrassed to be seen as he is. He tries to find that comfortable spot in bed, groans and moans a lot in the process. Fortunately, you can hear everything from the living/dining room. Don't be rushing up the stairs thinking something is wrong. I'm getting some sort of bell for him to ring if he does need help. Right now, he can speak clearly and you can hear him clearly. He is not wearing his hearing aids, which means you will have to speak a tad louder. Bring a book, your lap top, and I'll leave the daily paper on the dining room table--just don't do my puzzles. ;-
Needed items: (1) Does anyone have a twin inflatable mattress I could use? Like Annie B, I'm off the bed, too, and am sleeping in my study next to the master bedroom. (I don't know how far we are from getting him a hospital bed, which he is resisting 100%.) I had bought some 3" memory foam for him, but it didn't do the trick. So, that's all I have between me and the floor right now. (2) An old baby monitoring device, so I can step outside and sit, weed, etc ,and still be connected to him.
Future help: the hospice nurse left me with this thought to pass along. Someday, Jack will be totally bedridden, which puts the additional burden of bathing, changing his position, ETC on me. Not that he nor I feel comfortable asking people to put his Depends on him, but it would be nice to know how many of you have experience working with someone in the later stages of dying. (OK, I'm crying through this paragraph.)
Thanks to you all. To the here and now,
Tally
Ron's note: I'll post the requested items separately, so pls respond in that area if you have it covered.
EDITED 6/24 7PM: Suggest we also can send private emails to Tally's email so she can print/share with Jack easier, especially if you have pics to include. PLEASE, in the subject line, state CLEARLY what the note is about--as I'm sure Tally is getting a lot of mail. So if you have some uplifting thoughts for them, put something like "Uplifting thoughts to share with Jack" in the subject line. Or if you have experience in respite care, email her and use a subject like "I have experience in respite care". I think that will make it easier for her to keep up with ALL of us!
EDITED: I've changed some of the settings so Tally will receive an email copy of every comment and post directly. That way, she won't have to check email and the blog. We'll see how that works.............. So stuff you post to the blog, anyone can read where emails will only go to them. Hope this clarifies.
You people are GREAT!
Ron
We had the hospice nurse in yesterday, still working on that magic combo of meds that will give him comfort. Not yet, and each time she leaves, he looks at me with those loving eyes, and says, "I just want to feel better." He sleeps/rest most of the day, getting in some fluids, a bite or two of jello, and that's about it. His abdomen is quite distended, adding to the discomfort. So much muscle has atrophied, so this big belly is quite noticeable. We're waiting word this morning (Seattle time) for some sort of scan/x-ray to see if there's anything there. He's mentally better, after being taken off one med that made him just loopy. The nurse had him up for about an hour and he was just spent afterwards.
As his "gate keeper" either one medical appointment or one visitor a day is about all he can handle. And even those visits have to be cut to about 3-10 minutes max. I really, really appreciate the understanding and acceptance of those of you who call and are told that he can't have visitors today.
Please keep on trying. I print emails from his "peeps" and read them to him, and that is always both a joy and a few tears for both of us. So, send messages that way, too.
The last couple of nights, just as I am heading down, he picks up some kind of energy and wants to talk. He re-hashes the thoughts that have run through his head all day. One night he was going through a small checklist of things he thought I would need. "Do you need any gear [for the big soccer tournament coming up]?" (I was crying on this one.) There are small pots of his money, and he wanted me to know, like I didn't already, but it made him feel better to talk about it. Another night it was wrestling assigning night and he was going through district by district how to do the billing. Last night there was none, as I think it was a long day for him. I had internally groaned when he starts these very late conversations, as I am just spent and just wanted to go to bed. But, I think to myself that we're not too far off when we won't be having a conversation beyond a minute and I should treasure these 15-minuters. Amazing what tidbits of energy you can drag up from your toes to keep going.
Our dog, Annie B, is also struggling with the changes in him. He has asked that she NOT sleep on the bed next to him at night. He can't seem to find a comfortable spot and tosses and turns a lot. Because she's "on duty" and his "nurse," she packs right into him. So, I enticed her with a dog treat off the bed out of the room, and shut the door. You can see it in her eyes, "But why?" A good question without a good answer.You respite helpers: I'll have to continue to work on my guilt leaving him to your care. I know he's in good hands; it just feels odd going off with him being so unwell. Jack does not need help with going to the bathroom, and he lives in his underwear. So, if you hear him up, he does not need any help using the bathroom and would be greatly embarrassed to be seen as he is. He tries to find that comfortable spot in bed, groans and moans a lot in the process. Fortunately, you can hear everything from the living/dining room. Don't be rushing up the stairs thinking something is wrong. I'm getting some sort of bell for him to ring if he does need help. Right now, he can speak clearly and you can hear him clearly. He is not wearing his hearing aids, which means you will have to speak a tad louder. Bring a book, your lap top, and I'll leave the daily paper on the dining room table--just don't do my puzzles. ;-
Needed items: (1) Does anyone have a twin inflatable mattress I could use? Like Annie B, I'm off the bed, too, and am sleeping in my study next to the master bedroom. (I don't know how far we are from getting him a hospital bed, which he is resisting 100%.) I had bought some 3" memory foam for him, but it didn't do the trick. So, that's all I have between me and the floor right now. (2) An old baby monitoring device, so I can step outside and sit, weed, etc ,and still be connected to him.
Future help: the hospice nurse left me with this thought to pass along. Someday, Jack will be totally bedridden, which puts the additional burden of bathing, changing his position, ETC on me. Not that he nor I feel comfortable asking people to put his Depends on him, but it would be nice to know how many of you have experience working with someone in the later stages of dying. (OK, I'm crying through this paragraph.)
Thanks to you all. To the here and now,
Tally
Ron's note: I'll post the requested items separately, so pls respond in that area if you have it covered.
EDITED 6/24 7PM: Suggest we also can send private emails to Tally's email so she can print/share with Jack easier, especially if you have pics to include. PLEASE, in the subject line, state CLEARLY what the note is about--as I'm sure Tally is getting a lot of mail. So if you have some uplifting thoughts for them, put something like "Uplifting thoughts to share with Jack" in the subject line. Or if you have experience in respite care, email her and use a subject like "I have experience in respite care". I think that will make it easier for her to keep up with ALL of us!
EDITED: I've changed some of the settings so Tally will receive an email copy of every comment and post directly. That way, she won't have to check email and the blog. We'll see how that works.............. So stuff you post to the blog, anyone can read where emails will only go to them. Hope this clarifies.
You people are GREAT!
Ron
Some Good Pics to share.........
Chuck T sent me this pic of Jack's induction into 2008 Wrestling Hall of Fame May 10, 2008 Spokane Washington. Cool Pic and well deserved honor to both of them. All together now: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
But all of us knowing these two have a slightly 'different' view of them day to day. We were at Cannon Beach with them last year, and when I said "hey, let me get some pics!", they promptly faced away from me, and assumed the position, LAUGHING!
We've not spent too much face to face time with them until about 1990, when I loaned into BA Everett for the summer. These are our kids, Cindy (now an occupational therapist in KC) and Allen (will graduate from WSU -- That's Wichita State in Dec--I love springing WSU on NW folks). Anyway, this pic is at our apt.
Finally, in the "I wish I had a picture" department:
You all know how antsy Miss Tally is. During the early 777 development, I spent a lot of time working out of Renton. Whenever I was in town, I'll call J/T and try to meet up with them for dinner one night.
This particular trip, Jack was busy with something every night, but Tally said she'd meet me at a Mexican restaurant in Renton. After we were seated (the restaurant was busy), I noted T was more jumpy than usual, watching the crowd. Finally I asked "You seem more uptight tonight............"
T: "Jack and I used to work/coach here, and we know a LOT of people--and they know I'm supposed to be with JACK. If they see me with a strange man..............." OK, I got it.
We had finished our meal, and were getting ready to depart. We were sitting at a 2 person table, right in the middle of other 2 people tables.
Then IT happened. A couple sat down at the table next to us, the lady was DIRECTLY across from Tally--and THEY KNEW EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tally turn a deep shade of red, and quickly tried to introduce me "this is my best friend's husban-------------------------------".
Now a DEEP, DARK shade of Red, I tried to help out, "Darling, you might as well tell her................."
I have never seen Tally so embarassed before--it was great. And by the time I drove back to my motel to call Chari, Tally was already ON THE PHONE WITH HER--explaining all that had happened and that everything was totally innocent. I'm sure she will hate me for sharing that story, but it is too good to not share.
OK, your turn, respond with some good J/T stories. And I apologize for any of you on dialup--this site probably just slowed down a lot (I'll check it via dial up later today and see).
Oh, I don't think you can post pics from comments, but if you have some pics you want to share, email them to me along with a brief description of what they are and I'll post them. rroots@cox.net
Have a GREAT DAY,
ron
Monday, June 23, 2008
Inspirational Messages
You folks are an incredible group--and I only know 2-3 of you.
I don't know if you are reading the posts where people have volunteered, but gee, when Tally asked for someone to house sit, Kim replied she'd do it, and also would do laundry/chores too if Jack were sleeping. WOW, that's nice!
How 'bout using comments to this post to do a little uplifting for all of us. I'm not feeling very 'inspirational' this morning, but I'll try:
"This is a day the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it."
Sorry, the mind is blank now, but it's your turn. Comment with something inspirational for all of us to pick ourselves up with.
Thanks.
Ron, for Ron (using JTR's account)
I don't know if you are reading the posts where people have volunteered, but gee, when Tally asked for someone to house sit, Kim replied she'd do it, and also would do laundry/chores too if Jack were sleeping. WOW, that's nice!
How 'bout using comments to this post to do a little uplifting for all of us. I'm not feeling very 'inspirational' this morning, but I'll try:
"This is a day the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it."
Sorry, the mind is blank now, but it's your turn. Comment with something inspirational for all of us to pick ourselves up with.
Thanks.
Ron, for Ron (using JTR's account)
Instructions for how to post comments
One of us emailed me saying she didn't know how to comment, so I sent this to her. If anyone else needs info, this should help.
We're fortunate that we have a geeky son who (generally) will help us learn this new stuff too!
If you are able to view the blog, I think you are half done...............
I'll explain this using Internet Explorer--it should be the same for each browser, but some like Netscape might not work, or work as well. And for the Mac lovers (that's you Tally!) and vista users, good luck--I don't know how they work..................
To smoke test it, open the blog, and scroll down to the first post, titled Welcome to Our Here and Now
In the lower right hand spot of the post, (currently) it says "4 comments". (As more people post to this, the number will increase, duh)
Click on "4 comments"; this will bring up a screen, where the right hand part says "Leave Your Comment". The cursor should be flashing inside a text box. You simply start typing in that box. Or if you want, you can type your comment in your favorite word processing program, copy it, and paste it in the text box. There is likely some limit to the number of characters, so don't try to post War and Peace. I sometimes write stuff in Word, and save it, so when the blog bombs and it fails to post, I don't have to retype it...............
Now the hard part. Below the text box, there are several options for "Choose an Identity". If you have a google account, you can sign on using that. OR, if you don't, and I think this is easier: Click on the box called "Name/URL". In this box, type your first name or some handle that Tally knows you as, such as Ron R or Princess (my wife). Try to stay away from just "Ron" as there might be several Ron's she knows. Leave the URL box blank unless you have some sort of homepage that you want us to know about.
You can post notes using "Anonymous", but if you do and want Tally to know who wrote it, you need to put your NAME in the text box.
Then you should hit the PREVIEW button to see if what you wrote is what you want, and that your name shows up correctly. If not, you can hit the BACK button and change whatever. When you are happy, hit PUBLISH.
It is POSSIBLE to go back and edit what you input, and it might be possible to delete something you published, but that is for the "advanced group". My suggestion is if you publish something that is totally hosed up, leave it alone and just post an additional comment saying "ignore my last comment".
For the anal retentive (grin), to edit a post you have to sign in using the same account you posted with, click on Customize, then Postings, then Edit Posts. I not a rocket scientist, but I couldn't make it delete some of the test posts I did early on.
I recommend you try a test post on the first blog post. You can say "testing" or "thinking of you" or whatever. After you post, then go to the original blog, go to the first message, click on comments, and you SHOULD see your comment added.
Hope this helps.
ron
We're fortunate that we have a geeky son who (generally) will help us learn this new stuff too!
If you are able to view the blog, I think you are half done...............
I'll explain this using Internet Explorer--it should be the same for each browser, but some like Netscape might not work, or work as well. And for the Mac lovers (that's you Tally!) and vista users, good luck--I don't know how they work..................
To smoke test it, open the blog, and scroll down to the first post, titled Welcome to Our Here and Now
In the lower right hand spot of the post, (currently) it says "4 comments". (As more people post to this, the number will increase, duh)
Click on "4 comments"; this will bring up a screen, where the right hand part says "Leave Your Comment". The cursor should be flashing inside a text box. You simply start typing in that box. Or if you want, you can type your comment in your favorite word processing program, copy it, and paste it in the text box. There is likely some limit to the number of characters, so don't try to post War and Peace. I sometimes write stuff in Word, and save it, so when the blog bombs and it fails to post, I don't have to retype it...............
Now the hard part. Below the text box, there are several options for "Choose an Identity". If you have a google account, you can sign on using that. OR, if you don't, and I think this is easier: Click on the box called "Name/URL". In this box, type your first name or some handle that Tally knows you as, such as Ron R or Princess (my wife). Try to stay away from just "Ron" as there might be several Ron's she knows. Leave the URL box blank unless you have some sort of homepage that you want us to know about.
You can post notes using "Anonymous", but if you do and want Tally to know who wrote it, you need to put your NAME in the text box.
Then you should hit the PREVIEW button to see if what you wrote is what you want, and that your name shows up correctly. If not, you can hit the BACK button and change whatever. When you are happy, hit PUBLISH.
It is POSSIBLE to go back and edit what you input, and it might be possible to delete something you published, but that is for the "advanced group". My suggestion is if you publish something that is totally hosed up, leave it alone and just post an additional comment saying "ignore my last comment".
For the anal retentive (grin), to edit a post you have to sign in using the same account you posted with, click on Customize, then Postings, then Edit Posts. I not a rocket scientist, but I couldn't make it delete some of the test posts I did early on.
I recommend you try a test post on the first blog post. You can say "testing" or "thinking of you" or whatever. After you post, then go to the original blog, go to the first message, click on comments, and you SHOULD see your comment added.
Hope this helps.
ron
Sunday, June 22, 2008
4th Request--Sheetrock & Mudding--COVERED
The window downstairs needs sheet rock put up. Must be done with screws-I think the hammering would drive Jack nuts. I've got a full and a partial piece. I think it needs one 2' wide piece to finish. Mudding would be nice, but that could be someone else, as that's a job over several days/weeks.And if you do this really goodly, ya'all can come to KS and do some sheetrock for ME.................
Ron for Tally
3rd Request- Respite Care June 30--COVERED
Monday, June 30th, I have an appointment leaving the house at 9:30 til 12:30 pm. Although he's not stirring til almost noon, I still want someone here, especially as he's doing down so quickly. Tell them to bring book, newspaper (read ours, just don't do the suduko and crossword puzzles) Gotta know how to say, "Hi Annie B" about 5 times and let her sniff until she's cool with the visitor.
**If two or three people want to split the shift, that is so cool. I have neighbors who are willing to help, too. I just want to give people who are wanting so desperately to help an opportunity.
If you want to split the time, pls coordinate among yourselves. And don't forget to post here "I've got it" so others will know it's taken care of.
Thanks.
Ron for Tally
**If two or three people want to split the shift, that is so cool. I have neighbors who are willing to help, too. I just want to give people who are wanting so desperately to help an opportunity.
If you want to split the time, pls coordinate among yourselves. And don't forget to post here "I've got it" so others will know it's taken care of.
Thanks.
Ron for Tally
Saturday, June 21, 2008
2n Request--Sat AM Soccer --COVERED
Would like someone to house sit on Saturday from 8:40AM-12:35PM while I attend soccer practice.
As before, if you can do the time, pls respond to the blog. If you'd like to share time, pls post your email or phone so others can contact you.
Then if one of you can contact Tally, that would be great.
(Is this working? Suggestions welcome by posting here, or email rroots@cox.net)
Ron for Tally
As before, if you can do the time, pls respond to the blog. If you'd like to share time, pls post your email or phone so others can contact you.
Then if one of you can contact Tally, that would be great.
(Is this working? Suggestions welcome by posting here, or email rroots@cox.net)
Ron for Tally
First request--Tues night soccer --COVERED.
Tally has soccer games coming up and she'd like someone to house sit (be there for Jack) while she's gone. There's a tourney coming up, but details of that will be posted separately.
Current need is someone(s) to house sit TUESDAYS from 5:30-10:30 pm, depending on an early (7 pm) or late (8:30 pm) game.
If you can be here part of the time, pls respond to the blog. If you would like to share the time, pls post your email or phone number in the blog, so others can coordinate with you.
If you are the one that can do this, pls POST HERE so we will know, and then call Tally/leave a msg so she will know.
Ron for Tally
Current need is someone(s) to house sit TUESDAYS from 5:30-10:30 pm, depending on an early (7 pm) or late (8:30 pm) game.
If you can be here part of the time, pls respond to the blog. If you would like to share the time, pls post your email or phone number in the blog, so others can coordinate with you.
If you are the one that can do this, pls POST HERE so we will know, and then call Tally/leave a msg so she will know.
Ron for Tally
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Welcome to Our Here and Now
(Sorta Ghostwritten by ron, with words from Tally)
Jack is slowly coming around that he needs help on some things, a few selected projects right now. I'm going to try this approach to listing projects that we'd like to have done for us, or have help in getting them done. I'm out in the yard today, weeding, putting down a bag of compost from LAST SUMMER, just to get the bad moved, and I was thinking of your idea. (Nice to be thought of among the weeds, uh Ron?) And it rolled, slid around, bubbled up, and I came to what I really, REALLY need from you: an interactive web site.
I need to be able to put a call out for help and for people to know what is needed, how much time it involves, and if someone else already has tagged the job. For example, dead-heading the huge rhodie in front of the garage will take about 20-30 minutes. I would love to put that request out there, leaving a bucket for the blossoms. Someone notes on the web site that she/he will do the job--and I don't need to know when it will be gone, just that it will be done. I like gardening, but I'm just too busy with everything else. That window downstairs needs the sheet rock put up and first coat of mud. Probably 30 minutes at the most. Maybe further down the path here, someone could pick up a few needed items at the grocery store. I just don't know how to set it up.
I've got the "Care Team" list, but that seems sort dumb to ask for gardening help from everyone. Wouldn't it be better to have a site for people to check? I think this will really help people know what we need, what I need. The web site will accomplish--I think-what your plan intentionally would, but just at a slower pace, which is what Jack needs. I told him about it today, and he didn't resist. I think he sees the logic, but his heart still lingers in the "I got to do it" mode. Shoot, so does mine. Which is why asking for this shows you how far I've come.
We'll give this a try; I'll post an individual item, complete with description, tools required, etc, and time frame we'd like to have the assistance. If you see something that you'd like to do, please respond to the blog BEFORE you do the task, to prevent doubleups. If you can do the task, and would like assistance, please put that in your reply, along with an email of how someone can contact you. Together, you can work out who is doing what. The goal here is NOT to burden Tally/Jack with being the coordinators of the projects, other than for one person to check with them on an available time for the project. Then when the task is done, please reply to the blog with the title of DONE, so others of us can quickly scan the titles and see "yep, the job is done, I can move on."
It would be nice for the rest of us if you would post a short note of what you did, and how it went. Heck, you could even post pictures!
Ron's note: Don't be shy about volunteering for a job and replying that yes, you can do it, and it should cost about $X. That way, others like us in KS, who won't be able to travel to SEA to garden for the weekend, can toss some $$$ to the volunteer to help cover the costs. I don't expect there to be much cost associated, but again, don't be shy about listing it. Again, these are RON'S WORDS. So, read on for some test posts...........................
For Tally, by ron
Jack is slowly coming around that he needs help on some things, a few selected projects right now. I'm going to try this approach to listing projects that we'd like to have done for us, or have help in getting them done. I'm out in the yard today, weeding, putting down a bag of compost from LAST SUMMER, just to get the bad moved, and I was thinking of your idea. (Nice to be thought of among the weeds, uh Ron?) And it rolled, slid around, bubbled up, and I came to what I really, REALLY need from you: an interactive web site.
I need to be able to put a call out for help and for people to know what is needed, how much time it involves, and if someone else already has tagged the job. For example, dead-heading the huge rhodie in front of the garage will take about 20-30 minutes. I would love to put that request out there, leaving a bucket for the blossoms. Someone notes on the web site that she/he will do the job--and I don't need to know when it will be gone, just that it will be done. I like gardening, but I'm just too busy with everything else. That window downstairs needs the sheet rock put up and first coat of mud. Probably 30 minutes at the most. Maybe further down the path here, someone could pick up a few needed items at the grocery store. I just don't know how to set it up.
I've got the "Care Team" list, but that seems sort dumb to ask for gardening help from everyone. Wouldn't it be better to have a site for people to check? I think this will really help people know what we need, what I need. The web site will accomplish--I think-what your plan intentionally would, but just at a slower pace, which is what Jack needs. I told him about it today, and he didn't resist. I think he sees the logic, but his heart still lingers in the "I got to do it" mode. Shoot, so does mine. Which is why asking for this shows you how far I've come.
We'll give this a try; I'll post an individual item, complete with description, tools required, etc, and time frame we'd like to have the assistance. If you see something that you'd like to do, please respond to the blog BEFORE you do the task, to prevent doubleups. If you can do the task, and would like assistance, please put that in your reply, along with an email of how someone can contact you. Together, you can work out who is doing what. The goal here is NOT to burden Tally/Jack with being the coordinators of the projects, other than for one person to check with them on an available time for the project. Then when the task is done, please reply to the blog with the title of DONE, so others of us can quickly scan the titles and see "yep, the job is done, I can move on."
It would be nice for the rest of us if you would post a short note of what you did, and how it went. Heck, you could even post pictures!
Ron's note: Don't be shy about volunteering for a job and replying that yes, you can do it, and it should cost about $X. That way, others like us in KS, who won't be able to travel to SEA to garden for the weekend, can toss some $$$ to the volunteer to help cover the costs. I don't expect there to be much cost associated, but again, don't be shy about listing it. Again, these are RON'S WORDS. So, read on for some test posts...........................
For Tally, by ron
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
