Day 1 of the next Journey

We talked with Tally last night, and she seemed do be doing ok (if you consider what she’s gone through).

Consider this very unofficial from Ron, NOT Tally: There will be a memorial service honoring Jack later in July. As I hear of the plans, I’ll post them here and send out an email to all the addresses I have, unless Tally does it before I do.

While she’s not looking at the blog for awhile, any comment you post there will go to her email. But since we know that she’s kept/keeping a memorial book, and email can be lost in the blink of an electron, it might be nice to send a paper copy of any condolences in place or in addition to any blog or email entries. I know she’d want them to add to a memory book that she can review at a less hectic pace. If you post them as comments to the blog, they will be included when I print it.

She asked about printing the blog, and I’ll do that for her later. For the geeky: Rather than just hit print and burn thousands of pages, I’ll copy/paste the words/pics into a word file and print that for her.

Many of you, especially the counselors know this, but Tally has shared with us that she was willing and able to present Jack’s condition with us (I often didn’t see how she could do it) because she knew how many people Jack had touched. She wanted all of US to be able to “be with” Jack during this journey.

Now, it will be Tally that needs our focus. I hope we can continue to support and lift her up as she did for us. I have great confidence in all of us to be able to do that. You people are special!

The blog site will be up until we close it, or google crashes, or something. I made a trip blog in 2007, and although no entries have been made for a year, it’s still there.

Again, we thank you for all your care of Tally and Jack.
God Bless You All!

Ron and Chari

Peace has come

It is impossible to fathom how fast this last leg of the journey went. The nurse was here this morning at 10-ish, was planning on coming back around 2 pm to check on Jack. New pain meds were ordered and a friend went to pick them up at noon.. And at 12:55-ish, Jack took his last breath on this earth.

There were two prayers answered this morning. I had prayed to be present when he died. The friend "Jack sitting" saw how agitated he got when I kissed him goodbye before heading to a soccer practice. She called while I was in route and said that I should get back asap. And, when she told Jack I was coming back, he settled down. He knew.

I was there and a prayer was answered. Younger son, Steve, said he wanted to be present, too. He had just come by to check on Jack and then head over to our cabin. I come down from upstairs to update them, and went back up to see Jack gasping. I ran back downstairs and told them to come up with me as I think he's going to die now. And he did, taking his last breath with us there.

Prayer #2 answered.I am in that absolutely stunned space, mixed with the hyperkinetic energy to remove all medically related items from the bedroom. Now. No, actually, throw it all out the window. No, through a window. I won't, but that energy is so here.

And I need to go sit with him for some time, although I thought it would have been longer, like forever. Then, I have to call to have his earthly temple for his soul removed later this afternoon.

Then...whatever comes next.

To the here and now,

Tally

Ron's note: Will post more details as they materialize.

Ron for Tally

Sad update

I rec'd this from Tally this morning:

Update from hospice nurses' visit on Friday, 6/27/08

The news here is very sad.On Wednesday of this week, I had a moment with Jack that will forever be profoundly marked in my heart of "other" side of him, the one with wisdom and depth. In a moment of absolutely clarity, he asked me, "Am I melting?" Not "declining", not " slipping," but "melting." Yes, Sweetheart, you are.

Simply, hospice has advised me that Jack has about a week left of life on this earth. He is truly melting and the wick is short. I am in tears trying to grasp how fast this has gone. I thought I had more time to talk, laugh, and reminiscence. I feel robbed. And now panic. It's getting harder to control the pain as he is more resistant to taking the meds.

Last night, it took almost an hour before I could get him in a position to sit-up and take the meds. A hospital bed will be delivered this morning, which will make that task easier. Meanwhile, I detest med times, because it is filled with conflict, no matter how I try to do otherwise. He resist the morphine pills because they taste bitter. His nurse has ordered the liquid version, which will be easier. He is truly wrestling with the pain: not wanting the meds but wanting the comfort. I am wrestling with him to try to make him as comfortable as possible, which means I am trying to control the pain. An English-Scotsman vs. a German-Irishwoman.

Nothing has changed.If you wish to say your goodbyes, I ask for the following structure:1. His sons and their wives will always have 1st priority. (I know this is obvious.) So, if you're there by the bed, please wrap it up for the kids.2. Too many visitors at one time, talking at him, will tire him, which will aggravate the symptoms.

Hospice recommends "quiet" goodbyes. Just sit with him and whisper what you want to say. His spirit will hear you. It is my routine with him.3. Do what your heart needs in closing. Come by if you wish. I won't be having a calendar or schedule for visits. Having the phone ringing or facing a screen of emails seems overwhelming now.

To the here and now,

Tally

ron for Tally

5th request--Respite Care 6/30 evening

I need someone to "Jack-sit" --oh, he would laugh at how this "Jack-sit" could be said differently. Imagine his sheepish grin here-- on Monday, June 30th, from 5:40-7:45 pm. My appointment is about 15-20 minutes away from home and last an hour. I'll take Annie B with me and give her a walk before coming home.

Gotta tell you that these requests feel like eBay or Craig's List, like who is just sitting in front of their computer screens waiting to respond.

Amazing friends we have.

Tally

Ron's note: Henceforth, any of you that assist with respite care might be know as "Jack-s_itters". Notice that there is no "H" in the term...........

ron

Jack Update 6/25

A long morning, with an early get up and drive into Seattle to be at the oncologist's office by 8:30 am, get an ultrasound, and then have the procedure to address the fluid in his abdomen.. A liter of liquid was drained from "Buddha Man" this morning and has made a significant positive difference in Jack's comfort. Doctor has approximated that there's still 2 more liters to go, but it is unwise to do it all at once with Jack's condition.

Regardless, Jack is sleeping better, not groaning or moaning as he turns over. If the liquid returns within the next few days, we're back in on Friday. If not, probably in two weeks. Prayers have been answered for his comfort.

On Friday, we meet with the surgeon to discuss the fluid in his heart sac and the possible surgery. I am doubting that the operation will take place, as Jack is simply not strong enough to withstand it. That's my opinion. Will be interesting to see what the surgeon says.

I love the picture Ron posted of Jack and I giving him our "best sides" at Cannon Beach. This playful nature is such a core of our relationship and it won't stop until the end. Today, I'm working Jack and the wheelchair into the elevator at the doctor's building. I should have a "student driver" sign on my back, as I ram him into the wall, trying to push the floor button. Then, backing out of the elevator, I was struck at how much we are on the same wavelength: almost on cue, as we're backing out, we both start with the truck's back-up sound, "beep-beep-beep." It was both a very funny and emotional moment, as I realize how much my sidekick and I can still have fun together, even in this leg of the journey.

Thanks for the well-wishes, the answers/solutions to our needs, and for your love of us.

To the here and now,
Tally

Another nice tribute to Jack that we might not know

I rec'd this a day or so ago, and just now getting around to posting it.

***********

I have these pictures to share from such an honoring event which I am hoping you could post. I don't know if others understand what a remarkable man Jack is!

Thank you,
Karen Zink
--------------------------------------------------

I was able to attend the WIAA Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and luncheon at the Yakima Convention Center in April 2007. Jack received the "Officials" award for his tireless commitment to our youth and the sportsmanship he lives by. The following is the impressive write-up from the program:

Jack Reynolds has been officiating in the state of Washington for 38 years, including 36 wrestling league tournaments, 30 regional wrestling tournaments and 24 state wrestling tournaments. He was named the head official for the state wrestling championships 12 times.

Jack has been a wrestling clinician since 1986, assignor for the Pacific Northwest Wrestling Association, Washington Officials Association (WOA) Executive Board member, and wrestling evaluator. He has received numerous awards for his involvement in wrestling and softball, including the WOA Meritorious Service Award, the Joe Babbitt Contributor Award from the Washington State Wrestling Coaches Association, 2001 NFHS Wrestling Official of the Year, and 2004 Seattle Metro Umpire of the Year.

A leader and mentor for both his wrestling and softball officiating, Jack was inducted into the WOA Hall of Fame in 2006. He exemplifies what an official should be and carries himself in a way that creates a positive example for young officials.

Jack has also been known to close down the dance at the annual Washington Activities Coordinators Association conference... so full of energy till the bitter end, as many (such as myself) were already massaging their feet. It was in the late 80's that I met Jack and Tally - and am still smiling and chuckling about the fun we shared.

Once a friend, always a friend to two remarkable individuals!

God bless you,
Karen Piche-Zink, a.k.a. Peach

Items needed dtd Jun 24

These items are pulled from Tally's update note below. Pls use this post to respond of those tasks/items that you can cover:

** Twin inflatable mattress--can use right now.

** A baby-monitor device, so she can be outside and hear Jack.

** Someone that's in their house soon, find out what print cartridge her Mac uses. Pls purchase a black and color ink package, and 2 reams of paper for them. (If you need help covering the cost, email Ron and I'll help with the cost.)

** Let me know if you have respite experience in the final stages please (Ron suggests you send a private email for this one)

Ron for Tally

Update on Jack June 24

Update on Jack 6/24

We had the hospice nurse in yesterday, still working on that magic combo of meds that will give him comfort. Not yet, and each time she leaves, he looks at me with those loving eyes, and says, "I just want to feel better." He sleeps/rest most of the day, getting in some fluids, a bite or two of jello, and that's about it. His abdomen is quite distended, adding to the discomfort. So much muscle has atrophied, so this big belly is quite noticeable. We're waiting word this morning (Seattle time) for some sort of scan/x-ray to see if there's anything there. He's mentally better, after being taken off one med that made him just loopy. The nurse had him up for about an hour and he was just spent afterwards.

As his "gate keeper" either one medical appointment or one visitor a day is about all he can handle. And even those visits have to be cut to about 3-10 minutes max. I really, really appreciate the understanding and acceptance of those of you who call and are told that he can't have visitors today.

Please keep on trying. I print emails from his "peeps" and read them to him, and that is always both a joy and a few tears for both of us. So, send messages that way, too.

The last couple of nights, just as I am heading down, he picks up some kind of energy and wants to talk. He re-hashes the thoughts that have run through his head all day. One night he was going through a small checklist of things he thought I would need. "Do you need any gear [for the big soccer tournament coming up]?" (I was crying on this one.) There are small pots of his money, and he wanted me to know, like I didn't already, but it made him feel better to talk about it. Another night it was wrestling assigning night and he was going through district by district how to do the billing. Last night there was none, as I think it was a long day for him. I had internally groaned when he starts these very late conversations, as I am just spent and just wanted to go to bed. But, I think to myself that we're not too far off when we won't be having a conversation beyond a minute and I should treasure these 15-minuters. Amazing what tidbits of energy you can drag up from your toes to keep going.

Our dog, Annie B, is also struggling with the changes in him. He has asked that she NOT sleep on the bed next to him at night. He can't seem to find a comfortable spot and tosses and turns a lot. Because she's "on duty" and his "nurse," she packs right into him. So, I enticed her with a dog treat off the bed out of the room, and shut the door. You can see it in her eyes, "But why?" A good question without a good answer.You respite helpers: I'll have to continue to work on my guilt leaving him to your care. I know he's in good hands; it just feels odd going off with him being so unwell. Jack does not need help with going to the bathroom, and he lives in his underwear. So, if you hear him up, he does not need any help using the bathroom and would be greatly embarrassed to be seen as he is. He tries to find that comfortable spot in bed, groans and moans a lot in the process. Fortunately, you can hear everything from the living/dining room. Don't be rushing up the stairs thinking something is wrong. I'm getting some sort of bell for him to ring if he does need help. Right now, he can speak clearly and you can hear him clearly. He is not wearing his hearing aids, which means you will have to speak a tad louder. Bring a book, your lap top, and I'll leave the daily paper on the dining room table--just don't do my puzzles. ;-

Needed items: (1) Does anyone have a twin inflatable mattress I could use? Like Annie B, I'm off the bed, too, and am sleeping in my study next to the master bedroom. (I don't know how far we are from getting him a hospital bed, which he is resisting 100%.) I had bought some 3" memory foam for him, but it didn't do the trick. So, that's all I have between me and the floor right now. (2) An old baby monitoring device, so I can step outside and sit, weed, etc ,and still be connected to him.

Future help: the hospice nurse left me with this thought to pass along. Someday, Jack will be totally bedridden, which puts the additional burden of bathing, changing his position, ETC on me. Not that he nor I feel comfortable asking people to put his Depends on him, but it would be nice to know how many of you have experience working with someone in the later stages of dying. (OK, I'm crying through this paragraph.)

Thanks to you all. To the here and now,
Tally

Ron's note: I'll post the requested items separately, so pls respond in that area if you have it covered.

EDITED 6/24 7PM: Suggest we also can send private emails to Tally's email so she can print/share with Jack easier, especially if you have pics to include. PLEASE, in the subject line, state CLEARLY what the note is about--as I'm sure Tally is getting a lot of mail. So if you have some uplifting thoughts for them, put something like "Uplifting thoughts to share with Jack" in the subject line. Or if you have experience in respite care, email her and use a subject like "I have experience in respite care". I think that will make it easier for her to keep up with ALL of us!

EDITED: I've changed some of the settings so Tally will receive an email copy of every comment and post directly. That way, she won't have to check email and the blog. We'll see how that works.............. So stuff you post to the blog, anyone can read where emails will only go to them. Hope this clarifies.

You people are GREAT!

Ron

Some Good Pics to share.........

Chuck T sent me this pic of Jack's induction into 2008 Wrestling Hall of Fame May 10, 2008 Spokane Washington. Cool Pic and well deserved honor to both of them. All together now: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.






But all of us knowing these two have a slightly 'different' view of them day to day. We were at Cannon Beach with them last year, and when I said "hey, let me get some pics!", they promptly faced away from me, and assumed the position, LAUGHING!






















We've not spent too much face to face time with them until about 1990, when I loaned into BA Everett for the summer. These are our kids, Cindy (now an occupational therapist in KC) and Allen (will graduate from WSU -- That's Wichita State in Dec--I love springing WSU on NW folks). Anyway, this pic is at our apt.

















Finally, in the "I wish I had a picture" department:


You all know how antsy Miss Tally is. During the early 777 development, I spent a lot of time working out of Renton. Whenever I was in town, I'll call J/T and try to meet up with them for dinner one night.


This particular trip, Jack was busy with something every night, but Tally said she'd meet me at a Mexican restaurant in Renton. After we were seated (the restaurant was busy), I noted T was more jumpy than usual, watching the crowd. Finally I asked "You seem more uptight tonight............"


T: "Jack and I used to work/coach here, and we know a LOT of people--and they know I'm supposed to be with JACK. If they see me with a strange man..............." OK, I got it.


We had finished our meal, and were getting ready to depart. We were sitting at a 2 person table, right in the middle of other 2 people tables.



Then IT happened. A couple sat down at the table next to us, the lady was DIRECTLY across from Tally--and THEY KNEW EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tally turn a deep shade of red, and quickly tried to introduce me "this is my best friend's husban-------------------------------".


Now a DEEP, DARK shade of Red, I tried to help out, "Darling, you might as well tell her................."


I have never seen Tally so embarassed before--it was great. And by the time I drove back to my motel to call Chari, Tally was already ON THE PHONE WITH HER--explaining all that had happened and that everything was totally innocent. I'm sure she will hate me for sharing that story, but it is too good to not share.


OK, your turn, respond with some good J/T stories. And I apologize for any of you on dialup--this site probably just slowed down a lot (I'll check it via dial up later today and see).

Oh, I don't think you can post pics from comments, but if you have some pics you want to share, email them to me along with a brief description of what they are and I'll post them. rroots@cox.net



Have a GREAT DAY,
ron

Inspirational Messages

You folks are an incredible group--and I only know 2-3 of you.

I don't know if you are reading the posts where people have volunteered, but gee, when Tally asked for someone to house sit, Kim replied she'd do it, and also would do laundry/chores too if Jack were sleeping. WOW, that's nice!

How 'bout using comments to this post to do a little uplifting for all of us. I'm not feeling very 'inspirational' this morning, but I'll try:

"This is a day the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it."

Sorry, the mind is blank now, but it's your turn. Comment with something inspirational for all of us to pick ourselves up with.

Thanks.

Ron, for Ron (using JTR's account)

Instructions for how to post comments

One of us emailed me saying she didn't know how to comment, so I sent this to her. If anyone else needs info, this should help.

We're fortunate that we have a geeky son who (generally) will help us learn this new stuff too!

If you are able to view the blog, I think you are half done...............

I'll explain this using Internet Explorer--it should be the same for each browser, but some like Netscape might not work, or work as well. And for the Mac lovers (that's you Tally!) and vista users, good luck--I don't know how they work..................

To smoke test it, open the blog, and scroll down to the first post, titled Welcome to Our Here and Now
In the lower right hand spot of the post, (currently) it says "4 comments". (As more people post to this, the number will increase, duh)

Click on "4 comments"; this will bring up a screen, where the right hand part says "Leave Your Comment". The cursor should be flashing inside a text box. You simply start typing in that box. Or if you want, you can type your comment in your favorite word processing program, copy it, and paste it in the text box. There is likely some limit to the number of characters, so don't try to post War and Peace. I sometimes write stuff in Word, and save it, so when the blog bombs and it fails to post, I don't have to retype it...............

Now the hard part. Below the text box, there are several options for "Choose an Identity". If you have a google account, you can sign on using that. OR, if you don't, and I think this is easier: Click on the box called "Name/URL". In this box, type your first name or some handle that Tally knows you as, such as Ron R or Princess (my wife). Try to stay away from just "Ron" as there might be several Ron's she knows. Leave the URL box blank unless you have some sort of homepage that you want us to know about.

You can post notes using "Anonymous", but if you do and want Tally to know who wrote it, you need to put your NAME in the text box.

Then you should hit the PREVIEW button to see if what you wrote is what you want, and that your name shows up correctly. If not, you can hit the BACK button and change whatever. When you are happy, hit PUBLISH.

It is POSSIBLE to go back and edit what you input, and it might be possible to delete something you published, but that is for the "advanced group". My suggestion is if you publish something that is totally hosed up, leave it alone and just post an additional comment saying "ignore my last comment".

For the anal retentive (grin), to edit a post you have to sign in using the same account you posted with, click on Customize, then Postings, then Edit Posts. I not a rocket scientist, but I couldn't make it delete some of the test posts I did early on.

I recommend you try a test post on the first blog post. You can say "testing" or "thinking of you" or whatever. After you post, then go to the original blog, go to the first message, click on comments, and you SHOULD see your comment added.

Hope this helps.

ron

4th Request--Sheetrock & Mudding--COVERED

The window downstairs needs sheet rock put up. Must be done with screws-I think the hammering would drive Jack nuts. I've got a full and a partial piece. I think it needs one 2' wide piece to finish. Mudding would be nice, but that could be someone else, as that's a job over several days/weeks.

And if you do this really goodly, ya'all can come to KS and do some sheetrock for ME.................

Ron for Tally

3rd Request- Respite Care June 30--COVERED

Monday, June 30th, I have an appointment leaving the house at 9:30 til 12:30 pm. Although he's not stirring til almost noon, I still want someone here, especially as he's doing down so quickly. Tell them to bring book, newspaper (read ours, just don't do the suduko and crossword puzzles) Gotta know how to say, "Hi Annie B" about 5 times and let her sniff until she's cool with the visitor.

**If two or three people want to split the shift, that is so cool. I have neighbors who are willing to help, too. I just want to give people who are wanting so desperately to help an opportunity.

If you want to split the time, pls coordinate among yourselves. And don't forget to post here "I've got it" so others will know it's taken care of.

Thanks.
Ron for Tally

2n Request--Sat AM Soccer --COVERED

Would like someone to house sit on Saturday from 8:40AM-12:35PM while I attend soccer practice.

As before, if you can do the time, pls respond to the blog. If you'd like to share time, pls post your email or phone so others can contact you.

Then if one of you can contact Tally, that would be great.

(Is this working? Suggestions welcome by posting here, or email rroots@cox.net)

Ron for Tally

First request--Tues night soccer --COVERED.

Tally has soccer games coming up and she'd like someone to house sit (be there for Jack) while she's gone. There's a tourney coming up, but details of that will be posted separately.

Current need is someone(s) to house sit TUESDAYS from 5:30-10:30 pm, depending on an early (7 pm) or late (8:30 pm) game.


If you can be here part of the time, pls respond to the blog. If you would like to share the time, pls post your email or phone number in the blog, so others can coordinate with you.

If you are the one that can do this, pls POST HERE so we will know, and then call Tally/leave a msg so she will know.

Ron for Tally

Welcome to Our Here and Now

(Sorta Ghostwritten by ron, with words from Tally)

Jack is slowly coming around that he needs help on some things, a few selected projects right now. I'm going to try this approach to listing projects that we'd like to have done for us, or have help in getting them done. I'm out in the yard today, weeding, putting down a bag of compost from LAST SUMMER, just to get the bad moved, and I was thinking of your idea. (Nice to be thought of among the weeds, uh Ron?) And it rolled, slid around, bubbled up, and I came to what I really, REALLY need from you: an interactive web site.

I need to be able to put a call out for help and for people to know what is needed, how much time it involves, and if someone else already has tagged the job. For example, dead-heading the huge rhodie in front of the garage will take about 20-30 minutes. I would love to put that request out there, leaving a bucket for the blossoms. Someone notes on the web site that she/he will do the job--and I don't need to know when it will be gone, just that it will be done. I like gardening, but I'm just too busy with everything else. That window downstairs needs the sheet rock put up and first coat of mud. Probably 30 minutes at the most. Maybe further down the path here, someone could pick up a few needed items at the grocery store. I just don't know how to set it up.

I've got the "Care Team" list, but that seems sort dumb to ask for gardening help from everyone. Wouldn't it be better to have a site for people to check? I think this will really help people know what we need, what I need. The web site will accomplish--I think-what your plan intentionally would, but just at a slower pace, which is what Jack needs. I told him about it today, and he didn't resist. I think he sees the logic, but his heart still lingers in the "I got to do it" mode. Shoot, so does mine. Which is why asking for this shows you how far I've come.

We'll give this a try; I'll post an individual item, complete with description, tools required, etc, and time frame we'd like to have the assistance. If you see something that you'd like to do, please respond to the blog BEFORE you do the task, to prevent doubleups. If you can do the task, and would like assistance, please put that in your reply, along with an email of how someone can contact you. Together, you can work out who is doing what. The goal here is NOT to burden Tally/Jack with being the coordinators of the projects, other than for one person to check with them on an available time for the project. Then when the task is done, please reply to the blog with the title of DONE, so others of us can quickly scan the titles and see "yep, the job is done, I can move on."

It would be nice for the rest of us if you would post a short note of what you did, and how it went. Heck, you could even post pictures!

Ron's note: Don't be shy about volunteering for a job and replying that yes, you can do it, and it should cost about $X. That way, others like us in KS, who won't be able to travel to SEA to garden for the weekend, can toss some $$$ to the volunteer to help cover the costs. I don't expect there to be much cost associated, but again, don't be shy about listing it. Again, these are RON'S WORDS. So, read on for some test posts...........................

For Tally, by ron